ANOTHER year, another adaptation of Oliver Twist as if to prove that things on TV change as often as Shadrack Dingle changes his underpants. We may have more channels but the same old programmes are repeated endlessly.

I've lost count of how many times ITV2 has screened X Factor: The Winner's Story.

To be truthful, I haven't - it's six times between December 23 and January 4, and the sad thing is I've watched it twice already.

After the slaughter of the turkeys, watching the Brannings' world collapse on Christmas Day and braving the horror of the sales, we must put our feet up, cast our mind back over 365 days in front of the box and reflect on the past year's TV. Yes, time to hand out those most prized of prizes, The Pratties.

CONTROLLER OF THE YEAR Former BBC1 controller Peter Fincham, who left his job after a programme launch screened excerpts from a forthcoming royal family documentary that showed the Queen walking out in a huff from a photoshoot. It emerged the footage had been edited to make it look like that. Fincham's prize is a holiday - in the Tower of London.

BEST TITLE Not so much imagination shown this year to try and attract viewers' attention. I Hate My Bald Head, The 34-Stone Teenager (not to mention The Woman Who Lost 30 Stone and Lose 30 Stone Or Die), and The 12-Year-Old Cocaine Smuggler were poor attempts. Tourette de France, Invasion Of The Body Scratchers and Blue Suede Jew (about an Elvis from Jerusalem) had fun with wordplay. The state of our youth was illustrated by Teen Boob Jobs, Teens Hooked On Porn and Lucy: Teen Transsexual In Thailand. The winner is Help Me, Anthea, I'm Infested! in which the former Blue Peter presenter and chocolate bar promoter helped rid homes of unwanted creepy crawlies.

THE RELATE AWARD FOR MARRIAGE GUIDANCE The Brannings of Walford, right, for their services to the wedded state. It all kicked off on Christmas Day in EastEnders when a DVD of Bradley and Stacey's wedding revealed the bride and her father-in-law Max's sleazy affair.

THE WONDERBRA UNDERWEAR AWARD Secret Diary Of A Call Girl in which he who paid the (Billie) Piper called the tune - because she was a high class hooker/escort girl/prostitute/female companion (delete where applicable) who spent very little money on her work uniform, content to wander around in lacy knickers and cleavage-revealing bras.

THE DAVID STARKEY HISTORY AWARD A tie between The Tudors and Rome, which played fast and loose with history in favour of unclad couplings of a sexual nature.

THE I'M NO GOODY-TWO-SHOES AWARD Jade Goody, who became famous through Big Brother but threw it all way in Celebrity Big Brother as she and others ganged up against Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty. The scenes led to protests in India and Goody's career took a nosedive.

THE DOPPELGANGER AWARD Same idea, different channel. But there can only be one winner.

BBC2's Let Me Entertain You went unnoticed, BBC1's When Will I Be Famous? didn't catch on.

But ITV1's Britain's Got Talent proved a massive hit with 11m viewers and made singer Paul Potts, left, a star. The BBC followed its Sound Of Music talent search by looking for a new Technicolor coat-wearing Joseph in Any Dream With Do with equal success.

THE WISH YOU WERE HERE AWARD Celebrities were queuing up at passport control to go on foreign trips at someone else's expense. Victoria Wood explored Victoria's Empire, Paul Merton In China was selfexplanatory.

The original star traveller, Michael Palin, drew the short straw with Michael Palin's New Europe which proved as interesting as a wet weekend in Morecambe.

SEXIEST MAN ON TV Our annual unscientific and totally random poll reveals that Guy of Gisborne, Richard Armitage, is still popular with the ladies, even if the programme Robin Hood is a turn-off. Hot on his trail is Spooks star Rupert Penry-Jones.

In the interests of fairness, I should mention that Coronation Street's Liam Connor, actor Rob James-Collier, has been cleaning up in the sexiest soap male awards.

SEXIEST WOMAN ON TV The American sex change pastor who delighted in showing us his new vagina in a documentary called Eunuchs doesn't count. Nor do contestants on Mr Miss World. We rather liked Billie Piper's lingerie display (see The Wonderbra Underwear Award) and Rebecca Night's Fanny (Hill). But, of course, you can't beat a bit of Nigella Lawson, above, a celebrity cook who can come round and whip my cream any time.

THE EFFING GORDON EFFING RAMSAY AWARD FOR MOST EFFING SWEARING ON THE EFFING TELLY Despite the proliferation of the f and even the c word, the award still goes to Gordon Effing Ramsay. He even made a joke about it in his show Gordon Ramsay's F Word.

MOST ALARMING PROGRAMME DESCRIPTION Inside Britain's Fattest Man in which "Richard Hammond examines the internal organs of a 50-stone man". I had visions of him being miniaturised like Raquel Welch in Fantastic Voyage and then being injected into the man's blood stream. C4's The World's Worse Sex Change Surgeon filled me with fear too, as did The Cannibal Who Walked Free (he's in Japan, in case you want to avoid being eaten).

BEST BONNETS Cranford, the BBC costume drama that proved there are plenty of books that haven't been adapted for TV but deserve to be. Then the BBC went and spoiled it by needlessly doing Oliver Twist again.

PROGRAMMES I'D WATCH EVEN IF I WASN'T REVIEWING THEM Life On Mars, Doctor Who, House, Spooks, Shaun The Sheep, The Apprentice, Torchwood, Strictly Come Dancing, Cranford.

AND FINALLY, THE AND FINALLY AWARD To ITV which is to bring back News At Ten with Sir Trevor McDonald.