Brian Conley says he can't wait to host Darlington Civic's old-style' 100th anniversary celebration

TV and musical star Brian Conley is positive he must have performed at Darlington Civic Theatre in the past he just can't remember when. "I'm sure I've done Darlington before because I've done a few tours over the years. The trouble is, as soon as I get there I'll know exactly where I am, but I'm terrible at remembering. When I get there I'll say I remember this one, I died on my arse here'," he jokes.

The former 16-year-old Pontin's holiday camp Bluecoat explains that hosting Darlington Civic Theatre's Gala Night celebrations of its 100th anniversary tomorrow is exactly what he likes doing best.

"I used to perform up North with a band called Tomfoolery many years ago and I've been doing variety shows since I can remember and enjoying it. I went away for a while and thought I'd be an actor, a thespian, and did The Grimleys on TV and a few bits and a straight play on the West End. But in my heart I thought this is not for me, just go back and do what you do best'. I enjoy being my own boss, going out there and making people laugh. I'll talk about life and why I'm not on the telly because I can't ballroom dance, don't like the jungle and I'm not gay,"

he adds. Brian is promising to sing duets with members of the gala night audience and may even throw in a bit of fire-eating - "I've been doing entertaining for so long I've got all kinds of tricks up my sleeve."

"I'm really looking forward to Darlington because it's a big show and there's not many of those about these days. We've got a huge orchestra and dancers, it's a multi-million-pound extravaganza celebrating the Civic's hundredth anniversary. I'm the host and get to do about half-an-hour at the end because no one likes to do the end.

The end of the first half is always the best charity night slot. By the time you get to the end everyone has overrun because they're just happy to be there and the audience are a bit exhausted with the comedy they've had. But I don't mind at all," he explains.

Conley signed up for the gala through his links with Scarboroughbased pantomime production company Qdos and the chance to take part in a "full-on variety show".

"In the old days there would be four or five shows like this a year," explains the performer who is booked to play Buttons - "I'm actually the 21st century version called Velcro" - in Cinderella at High Wycombe for Christmas. Alongside him on stage this year will be daughters Lucy, five, and Amy, ten.

Although he turned down a suggested EastEnders role linked to Shane Richie's Alfie Moon in the past, Brian is regularly seen as a presenter, actor and chat show guest.

"I'm doing a series on TV at the moment called Dirty Rotten Cheater but I filmed that in April, when we did 20 in a week. It's all about a clawback for money and it was amazing how we got the audience to be honest. Every time I watch one I know exactly when it's an afternoon one because I'm all puffed up and audience looks a bit scary. The evening ones were always better for me because I'm a nightowl.

"I'm also in the series Vivienne Vyle and often you're on the telly and look busy but it was done God knows how long ago," he explains.

So is this a chance to stick his feet up for a rest?

The answer is no. He jokes about his usual holiday in the sun after panto being derailed by schools clamping down on parents taking children out of the country in termtime.

"I should have a special dispensation after five weeks of two shows a day panto," he jokes. But the man who sang and joked his way to success on TV and in shows like Jolson and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is already in negotiation to star in a revival of The Music Man next year.

"I'm in discussion with Chichester Theatre about taking it into the West End. I did a play in the West End where you got polite applause. That's not the same after doing Jolson for three years and not getting a standing ovation was something I didn't enjoy. I'm of the old school of entertainer you've got to give them their money's worth."