THERE’S a song lyric that goes something like “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets...” – and what newcomer Lola wants in EastEnders (BBC1) is trouble.

But she’s a Mitchell, so what can you expect?

Billy and Julie search for their longlost son Dan, but find his daughter instead, the aforementioned Lola. Silly Billy takes a shine to his granddaughter but Julie is less keen mainly because the young tearaway reminds her of herself at that age. It all kicks off when Billy pays a surprise visit to the care home where Lola is living and causing major disruptions. When he and Julie arrive Lola is in the middle of a big punch-up.

Billy, well-versed in the Mitchell art of fighting, breaks up the scuffle only to discover that troublesome Lola was the instigator. What he fails to notice is Lola stealing his wallet (theft being another Mitchell family trait). She uses it to track him down to Albert Square where she nicks Abi’s phone (and – the cheek of it – tries to sell it back to her), then steals a car from the lot and crashes it into Ian’s fish and chip emporium Beale’s Plaice.

Medical attention is not required, which is just as well as Soapland’s NHS services are stretched further than the world’s fattest woman’s knicker elastic.

Leanne discovers she’s pregnant in Coronation Street (ITV1) and then takes a tumble down the stairs. And in Emmerdale (ITV1), Hazel is so distraught after Jackson’s death that she barricades herself in her home and creates a shrine to her son.

I fear Jimmy King of Plonkers may need medical attention once estranged wife Nicola discovers what he’s been up to. Or rather, who he’s been up to. Let’s name and shame – Gennie. It all begins with a drink or two or three or… you get the picture. One thing leads to another.

Jimmy wakes up with a hangover and Gennie asleep in bed beside him.

The Jimmy riddle facing him is whether he and Gennie did the business or merely passed out in an alcoholic haze. He doesn’t have time to get his head round it because there’s a knock, knock at the door. Hello, it’s Nicola come to discuss halting divorce proceedings.

Back in EastEnders, Christian is still thinking babies but boyfriend Syed sighs at the thought of getting his family – the Masoons make the Addams family look normal – to behave in front of the social worker.

Matters aren’t helped by the arrival of Roxy, who wants someone to be her drinking companion. She and Christian go on a bender (political correctness deters Soapland gossips from commenting).

They wake up the next morning...

no, not in bed with Jimmy and Gennie but on Arthur’s bench, which they’ve stolen from the Square.