ALICE works in an art gallery, one that sells proper paintings for not much money – not like the galleries in Gold Street where some gold painted artificial legs hanging on a washing line have just sold for £20m... and where the parties make Hollywood extravaganzas seem quietly understated.

It’s a world of bad boy billionaire artists, fading rock stars who want to make a comeback, sex-mad collectors, patrons, buyers and gallery owners all desperate for the latest ever more extreme craze, terrified they’ll miss out. Heads made of frozen wee anyone?

Alice gets rather lost among the other characters and plots, but still this long book remains light and fun and races away at a fine old pace.

And the great bonus is that you’ll never be intimidated by modern art again.