NOT so much Three as Two as lads' mag pin-up Kelly Brook thrusts her two most famous assets at the camera in an effort to distract us from (a) her acting and (b) the story.
If an Oscar was given for outstanding performance by a pair of breasts, she'd walk away with it.
They are, to be frank, the liveliest things about this potentially titillating story of a desert island menage a trois.
Jenny (Brook) and her husband (real life squeeze Billy Zane) are washed up on the beach after their holiday yacht explodes.
Unfortunately for their marriage, someone else survives - the ship's mate (Di Pace), a bronzed love god who clearly knows how to keep himself occupied without the benefit of eight gramophone records.
He's not exactly subtle about getting Jenny to display her biggest assets. "Leave your clothes on the beach, you don't want to be sleeping in wet things, " he tells her as they prepare for a midnight dip.
How is a girl to choose between a husband who can offer fire (his lighter miraculously still working) or a hunky gigolo.
I don't know how long they're marooned on the island but time passes so slowly, despite the frequent sightings of Brook's breasts and bum, that it seemed like an eternity. I almost offered to build them a raft myself just to get the movie over and done with more quickly.
Stars: Billy Zane, Kelly Brook, Juan Pablo Di Pace
Running Tine: 95 mins
Rating: 2 Stars
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