MARTIN Fowler's standing in Soapland is under threat. First, he's beaten for the title of tallest man in soap by lanky Carl King in Emmerdale and now they're trying to take away his child in EastEnders (BBC1).

This is the daughter that Sonia didn't know she was having until a head popped out one evening.

She's the daughter that Martin didn't want until he ran over Sonia's fiance and married her by way of compensation for killing her beloved.

And the daughter Sonia gave away like one of Pauline's old, baggy cardigans. Little Rebecca has been living with her adopted grandmother - happy enough, barring the odd car crash that killed her pretend parents and Sonia's on-off desire to take her daughter back. Matters are complicated by Martin and Sonia splitting after the latter turned lesbian and moved in with Naomi.

Martin, when he's not drunk or shouting abuse at the lady lovers, is having a thoroughly unhappy time.

Why not make his daughter's life a misery too, he thinks. He hatches a plan for sole guardianship of Rebecca.

Someone else who's interested in the younger generation is Grunt Mitchell. Now that Jane Collins has gone back to chip shop entrepreneur Ian Beale, the Mitchell bruvver wants revenge. He tries to wind her up by bedding teenager Chelsea Fox, who has a name you couldn't make up (unless you were an EastEnders scriptwriter). Grunt scores for Chelsea by putting one in the back of the net, hoping that Jane will shout "offside" and demand a free kick (of Grunt's goolies) in the penalty box.

At this rate the BBC will be asking me to commentate on the World Cup.

Calamity in Coronation Street (ITV1) as Norris puts his foot in it round at Roy's Rolls. He trips on waste food and lands flat on his back with his legs in the air, a position usually reserved for Leanne Battersby. Vera gets the blame as she's in charge of the cafe while Roy and Hayley are away caring for a sick aunt, who must be heartily sick of this odd couple as she sends them back to Weatherfield.

Discovering Vera's culinary faux pas, they sack her. This is bad news for husband Jack, not so much the loss of earnings but having Vera under his feet at home all day. The news is even worse for Roy as fussy Norris reports him to the environmental health inspector.

If Hayley finds out that Norris has snitched, she may do to him what the surgeon did to her when he/she had his/her sex change operation.

Anyway, Norris is going around in a wheelchair - either showing off his injuries or auditioning for a remake of A Man Called Ironside. Nathan moves in with Frankie, while Kelly tells Becky to sling her hook and move out of boyfriend Lloyd's place.

She doesn't want a threesome any more, feeling that two's company but three's a crowd (especially in a single bed). Oh, Kelly, beware a woman scorned. She doesn't find her pet rabbit simmering in a saucepan on the gas stove. No, Becky's revenge is far more serious - she frames Kelly for theft.

Another teen in trouble is Jasmine in Emmerdale (ITV1). Teenager Daz sees her kissing Debbie. Rather than being turned on by the girl-on-girl lip action, Daz is horrified and goes as white as a sheet washed in well, Daz.

Debbie's dad Cain isn't able to see the funny side either. But he has a different way of bringing his daughter to heel - he snogs Jasmine himself. Lesley is old enough to know better but can't help borrowing Kelly's credit card to go on a spending spree. Hard-up Pearl takes out a loan with crooked Eric Pollard, which is like appointing John Prescott as a marriage guidance counsellor. When I see her begging Eric for money, the phrase "Pearl before swine" passes through my head.