I WAS expecting a thoroughly memorable production of Oh What a Lovely War. The flyer promised a madcap orchestra of musicians, dancers, singers and clowns, armed with sketches, songs and stories.

A grey brick backdrop looked fantastic and, with a full cast of 12 all carrying musical instruments, I was assured of a good evening’s entertainment.

Or so I thought.

My optimism was as misplaced as that of the British home front in the blood-soaked fields of Flanders. The production standards varied from barely audible to crashingly loud and the action was mostly jumbled, protracted and very confusing.

I could hardly hear the spoken word and, when I could, I couldn’t understand what was being said because it was either in French or German, or spoken with an incredibly affected accent.

The first half rambled on for an hour-and-a-half with the statistics of war projected on the backdrop in red capital letters.

There was an amusing scene with the sergeant major trying valiantly to drill some discipline into his clumsy troops, but there was little else to whet my appetite for humour.

The Christmas scene, when the Germans and English exchanged presents and sang carols, was realistic enough, but again, I just couldn’t hear what was being said.

I did enjoy the songs and, musically, there is little to criticise, with fabulous arrangements Pack Up Your Troubles, Keep The Home Fires Burning and It’s A Long Way To Tipperary.

But oh, I’m afraid it wasn’t such a lovely war at all.

■ Until March 27. Tickets 0191-2305151. York Theatre Royal, April 6 to10. Tickets 01904-623568

Aitch Brown