NORRIS Cole knows how to welcome his long-lost brother Ramsay to Coronation Street (ITV1) – he accuses him of murdering their mother.

Typical Norris, always moaning about something.

He’s come halfway round the world from Australia – where neighbours named a street after him – to see Norris, who’s his halfbrother (although there’s some doubt which half).

Ramsay was born out of wedlock and sent down under (Australia not the pits) where he was adopted. The last time he and Norris met was at their mother’s funeral.

The nosy newsagent has refused to respond to his half-brother’s bids to make contact. Perhaps Norris thought they were prank phone calls like those Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross ones.

So Ramsay has decided to turn up in person. His timing isn’t good as Norris has just said goodbye to Mary following his decision not to bunk up in her camper van on a trip round the world.

While he remains aloof from his brother, his lady friends respond to the newcomer’s charming manner.

Merry widows Emily, Blanche and Rita are soon showing him their pension books in an attempt to excite him.

Playing fast and loose with the ladies is a dangerous game. Ask Devious Dev, whose girlfriend Tara’s plot to gain revenge on him cheating with her best friend reaches its climax.

As Dev goes down on bended knee to propose marriage, she produces dirty pictures of the corner shop proprietor flashing his goods. And I don’t mean his twofor- one offer on bourbon biscuits.

His shortcomings are exposed for all to see.

Stacy in EastEnders (BBC1) is behaving badly. Nothing out of the ordinary there, you might think.

But her increasingly destructive behaviour has set mum Jean thinking, which is cause for concern in itself.

She wonders if her daughter might be suffering from the same thing as her – bipolar disorder. As Stacey beds a builder (called Bob, for all I know) she bumps into, I can think of a few other more appropriate names.

Fill the Fug is on a bender. I’ll rephrase that for fear of reprisals from the Walford resident. He’s back on the booze and ends up in hospital.

When he staggers home to the Vic, mum pint-sized Peggy is horrified, especially when he pours vodka on his cornflakes at the breakfast table. Remember children, don’t try this at home.

Use gin, it tastes better.

The demon drink has a lot to answer for. David Metcalfe in Emmerdale (ITV1) makes a drunken spectacle of himself in the Woolpack.

The would-be politician has been outmanoeuvred and humiliated on the campaign trail by his own father Eric Pollard, a man who has a PhD in sharp practice.

David’s response is to get drunk, which is no way for a politician to behave. Whatever next – fiddling his expenses?

And finally, to quote Sir Trevor, Cain is revealed as a police informant. This news won’t go down well with the Dingle family, although Cain might go down a well if they find out.