KEVIN Wicks should know better than to get behind the wheel of one of his own cars.

The motors he sells from his used car lot in Albert Square have been supplied by Fill the Fug, who is to motoring what the Titanic is to sailing.

Fill has been passing on dodgy motors to Kevin's business. They are, not to beat about the bush, death traps and conscience-stricken Kevin decides to stop selling them to unsuspecting buyers.

Alas, his decision comes too late to stop his missus, Denise, flogging one of the suspect cars to Yolande. Kevin is desperate to retrieve the vehicle in EastEnders (BBC1) before she does herself some damage.

That explains why Kevin breaks into the car and drives it to the breakers yard. It doesn't explain why his ex-wife Shirley is in the back.

Surely Shirley isn't up for a bit of backseat driving.

The breakers yard is shut. Well, it's Christmas, isn't it. So Kevin hatches a plan to make the theft of Yolande's car look like the work of joyriders.

But while doing handbrake turns in a deserted car park, a load of scaffolding falls on both car and Kevin. He gets more than a dent in his bonnet. Before you can say "Bob the builder", it's the first funeral of 2008 in Walford.

There's even a surprise appearance at the graveside by Deano Wicks, who's let out of prison where he's been learning ballroom dancing, to attend the funeral.

It's one wedding and a funeral in Soapland as Liz McDonald and her paramour Vernon walk down the aisle in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Possibly they do. It's a touch and go affair whether they make it.

The problem is Jim, Liz's ex who has inconveniently been let out of prison and is haunting the Rovers in the hope of enticing landlady Liz into his arms again.

Matters aren't help as Liz is having second thoughts, something that taxes her brain quite a lot. She worries she's doing the wrong thing in marrying Vernon and decides to call the whole thing off.

Jim helps her change her mind when he starts beating the living daylights out of Vernon. Liz decides the wedding will go ahead as planned, even if the bridegroom's white suit is splattered with blood.

It's goodbye from her but not from him as Sarah goes to Italy without new husband Jason. Having stitched up brother David and ruined his chances of working with uncle Stephen in Turin, Sarah grabs the job for herself.

Will Jason go with her?. Not if David has his way. He puts horrible thoughts in Jason's head (well, there's plenty of room as the space is unencumbered by a brain) and Jason begins to wonder if he really wants to be with scheming Sarah.

Man trouble for Chastity Dingle and Lexi Nicholls in Emmerdale (ITV1). The love-hungry duo discover they've been dating the same bloke. A yukky food fight ensues.

Once they calm down, they plot their revenge which involves tying PC Ross naked to a bed and taking off his truncheon. I don't expect they'll be suitable for the front page of the Hotten Courier.

Bad news for Nicola too as her comatose husband comes round.

She's been consoling herself with new lover David, but rushes to husband Donald's bedside. Her plan to inherit his millions is flawed as they haven't consummated the marriage yet.

So draw the curtains round the bed and let her climb in to cuddle up to her nest egg. If she's lucky, she'll bonk him to death and kill two birds with one stone, so to speak - he'll be dead and she'll get the cash.