In Emmerdale (ITV1), merry widow Rosemary King is intent on playing out her own Yorkshire version of that old thriller Gaslight - you know, the Victorian-set drama in which a husband tries to drive his wife mad (and not just by leaving the toilet seat up).

Like some avenging angel, Rosemary is plotting to drive her daughter-in-law, Posh Perdy with the double-barrelled name, insane. This is no bad thing, I may help her as Perdy is already driving me mad.

Rosemary, a woman devoid of sympathy or compassion, is busy exploiting Perdy's inability to have children with husband Grayson (who's bisexual, but that's another story). He, spotting her muddy boots by the door and a newly-dug grave in the garden, puts two and two together only to have Perdy deny she's been digging a grave for her missing moggy. My theory is that Rosemary is following Glenn Close's example in Fatal Attraction and has done some pussy-boiling on the Aga.

Next day Perdy wakes up to find the nursery full of toys. Nothing unusual there, apart from the fact that they weren't there when she went to bed. Someone is toying (ho, ho) with her fragile mind. And she can't deny she did it as her credit card was used to buy the goods.

Showing that perhaps she's not as nutty as a bag of almonds, she twigs that Rosemary (boo, hiss) is trying to send her round the twist. Locking herself and her tormentor in the attic hardly seems the action of a sane woman.

The inevitable happens. Perdy is dragged kicking and screaming into a waiting straitjacket and incarceration in Hotton Asylum For Soap Loonies, which some say resembles the Woolpack on a busy night.

Life at the Kings is beginning to resemble a Tennessee Williams play with all the seething passion and heated emotion bubbling away under the surface. If it wasn't for the Yorkshire puddings you'd think you were in the Deep South (and I don't mean Bournemouth).

Somebody did actually say, "Grayson, shut that door" last week but, alas for The Man In Gray, the closet door is about to swing open to reveal that Grayson has a foot in both sexual camps (which is a nice trick until you lose your balance or your trousers). No wonder Perdy is mislaying her marbles.

When Jonny-Come-Lately makes some snide remark that Gray's lining up Katie as a replacement wife, boyfriend Paul lets slip that Gray's gay. I always said he had a loose tongue, which can be invigorating in some situations but is more likely to get you into trouble.

When Paul consoles Gray over Perdy's problems and stands up his own boyfriend, Jonny-Come-Lately wonders if, to echo some royal words, there aren't three people in the relationship.

If it's not sex, it's violence in Soapland and it's usually in Walford. Sure enough, there's blood in the aisles in the Minute Mart after someone bashes Patrick Trueman over the head with a monkey wrench in EastEnders (BBC1). The assailant doesn't even bother to take Patrick's hat off first. Prime suspect is psycho Sean Slater, the ex-soldier with the short fuse. The soap police - those that aren't sleeping with murderer Carl in Emmerdale - are quick to arrest him.

And so to Weatherfield, where the vicar has come round to interview Sarah Platt and Jason Grimshaw, who are due to walk down the aisle again in Coronation Street (ITV1). Last time, only Sarah turned up. History looks like repeating itself when the vicar and the Platts gather to make plans for the ceremony, only to find that Jason is missing.

The builder has been kept at work, probably trying to remember what colour the live wire is. Demonic David takes advantage of his absence to make digs about Jason having done a runner again. He should be careful as sister Sarah has some dirt on David and isn't afraid to use it.

Michelle returns from holiday and falls into Steve McDonald's arms. Fortunately, he catches her and soon they're snuggling up on the sofa. But will she be quite so happy to see him when she discovers his escapades in Malta when he shared a double bed with Eileen and got off with a transvestite?