WATCH out Bob the Builder, there's a new workman in Soapland who could put you out of business.

Demonic David Platt gets his job back at the builder's yard in Coronation Street (ITV1) thanks to his mother Gail the hamster's pleas to owner Bill the Builder.

Unfortunately, the ducking in the bathtub administered by Charlie the builder with the big toolbox has done nothing to make Demonic David improve his behaviour. School has kicked him out after he set fire to his examination papers and Bill the Builder sacked him after some shenanigans with a ladder and pretending to be gay.

He still turns up late for work and is told to tidy the yard while Bill and Jason go off on jobs. Amazingly, he does as he's asked. Bill and Jason then find David sawing up good timber, presumably to make a new hamster's cage for his mother. Bill doesn't see sawing as a good idea and sacks David again. At this rate, he'll soon be in the Guinness Book of Records as the most sacked worker in the country.

Clottish Claire is, according to reports, "at her wits end". Well, she didn't have far to go. She's been showing signs of soapitis - a softening of the brain caused by excessive exposure to loony storylines - ever since she married squeaky Donald Duck impersonator Ashley. The recent fire has fried her brain, leaving her convinced that Casey is the arsonist. To outsiders, it just looks like Claire is trying to get off the hook as she's already been arrested for starting the fire herself. Round at the Grimshaws, the sparks are flying as Eileen entertains Streetcars customer and Oirish charmer Pat. This is a woman who's had more men than most people have had chip butties and if she introduced herself as a Streetcars woman, Pat may have got the wrong idea about her Street woman status.

Lock up the scapels, Mad Dr Meg is on the rampage in EastEnders (BBC1). Once again, her target is pregnant Dawn, the woman expecting the baby of Dr Meg's husband Randy Rob. The mad medic and her equally sick husband have hatched a plan to snatch Dawn's baby - from her womb. Plucky Dawn escapes, only for her waters to break on the train. Not a good place to go into labour considering the signals are at red and there are the wrong type of leaves on the track. She does make it to hospital but isn't pleased to see her first visitor - Dr Meg.

Stella, another of Walford's psycho women, gives little Ben, son of her intended Fill the Fug, a pair of football boots. Now Ben can follow in his father's bootsteps. The little lad had better watch out though after accidentally hitting his father's fiancee in the face with a football. She may decide to take a free kick - up Ben's backside.

Woolpack landlady Diane Sugden celebrates her 60th birthday with a party and declaring her feelings for ex-con Billy Hopwood in Emmerdale (ITV1). This is bad news for Diane's husband Flat Cap Jack, who keeps his headwear on even in bed. Billy admits that it's Diane not her sister Val who stokes his fire. It looks like Diane might have pulled more than pints in the backroom at the Woolpack.

A Northern Tinkerbell has been sprinking pixie dust elsewhere in Emmerdale. Lusty Louise, who runs the village bed and breakfast (with the accent on bed), locates the one man in Yorkshire with whom she hasn't yet slept.

Never mind that he's young enough to be classed as a toy boy, although I hope for her sake that his equipment isn't child-size. The object of Louise's lust is Jamie, who finds himself booked into a double room after encouraging her to join him in karaoke at Diane's birthday bash. Next morning, he's reduced to hiding in the wardrobe after a visitor surprises the pair. Later Jamie whisks her off in his ice cream van for a Mr Whippy in the woods.