I DREAM of Gennie with the light brown… well, let’s not get too personal about the blushing bride in Emmerdale (ITV1). Gennie is all set to walk down the aisle with fiance and father of her child Nick-Nick-Nikhil.

Alas – and this will come as no surprise to regular observers of Soapland happenings – it doesn’t go according to plan. The big problem is her mother, Brenda. She has a brain tumour and is refusing to attend the wedding because she reckons they’re only rushing down the aisle to get wed before she’s dead.

I reckon she’s sensitive about the “till death us do part” bit of the ceremony as well as her future now being in the hands of the schedulers in the sky.

Poor deluded Nick-Nick-Nikhil thought bringing the wedding forward would cheer everyone up. The opposite seems to have happened. Brenda gets angry with Gennie, Gennie gets angry with Brenda and the vicar is left wondering if his services will be needed after all.

Nick-Nick-Nikhil does at least get a stag do before the drama takes a turn for the worse.

The lads dress him up as an Oompa Loompa and take him off to Candyland. But he’s lost his sweet tooth and, besides, that business with the stick of rock and a stripper really set his teeth on edge.

More stag and hen shenanigans in EastEnders (BBC1) where Sharon and Jack’s nuptials are looming like a dark cloud on a Bank Holiday Monday. They both have a lot of their minds – their ex boy/girlfriend (delete where applicable).

Jack is preoccupied with the imminent release of his baby-swapping ex-wife Da-Do- Ron-Ronnie, but Mad Max arrives to take him off for a night of unbridled passion – no, not with Max but with the entertainment that’s been laid on for him. For Sharon’s sake, I hope that’s the only thing that gets laid.

Sharon wants a quiet hen do, which is at odds with what Tanya has planned. Before Sharon leaves the house she has a visit from Fill the Fug. No, he hasn’t turned into a doorto- door salesman (selling thick ears) but wants to stop the marriage. He comes straight to the point by planting a big kiss on Sharon’s trembling lips. Later, while she’s boozing with the girls, he sends her a text.

The girls head over to R&R where they bump into the boys – all except I’m-Not-All- Right Jack who’s done a runner from his own stag night. I’ll correct that, he hasn’t done a runner because he can’t run anywhere. As a prank, someone has locked him in the office. And guess who’s also locked in there – Fill the Fug. At least they’ll have something to talk about, their experiences of Sharon.

One person unlikely to be wed is Eileen in Coronation Street (ITV1). She tells firefighting boyfriend Paul to go to blazes. Or rather, she tells him he has to choose between her and his job.

She worries for his safety, knowing the number of arsonists on the loose in Soapland. Eileen is struggling to come to terms with the fact that his job is so dangerous and, without Paul knowing, tells his boss that he’s not ready to return to work.

She knows that he’s handy with his hose but that can’t compensate for the risk she might lose him.