Name that croon

IT’S that time of the year again when we Brits start moaning about unfair voting, about countries ganging up on us and how they deserve more than nul points. Yes, it’s Eurovision Song Contest time again.

Engelbert Humperdinck is waiting in the wings to represent the UK. He’ll be waiting until Saturday, so someone get him a chair; at his age he can’t be doing with standing around that long.

Before the main event, there are two semi-finals to get through. Following Ell and Nikki’s victory in Dusseldorf last year, it’s the turn of Azerbaijan to host the annual pop contest, so Scott Mills and Sara Cox present all the action from this first semi-final round at the Crystal Hall in Baku.

And what a bizarre show is in store for viewers. Jedward return to represent Ireland for the second year running. They just won’t go away. They’ll no doubt be a big draw for some, but look like being outdone by an equally bizarre entry – Russian grannies Buranovskiye Babushki.

Danish busker Soluna Samay and Icelandic duo Greta Salome and Jonsi Amadeus could be among the many other highlights.

Unfortunately, UK viewers can’t vote in tonight’s semi or I’m sure they’d be voting in their droves for Jedward.

HISTORIAN and chief curator of historic royal palaces Dr Lucy Worsley investigates harlots, housewives and heroines in the 17th Century, providing an insight into the roles of women in Restoration England.

It was a period in which Britain moved ever further into the modern era – and it was an exciting time for women, with some displaying remarkably modern attitudes and ambitions, achieving wealth, celebrity and power in ways that still look outstanding even by 21st Century standards.

But among some sectors of society, views towards women were still largely medieval and misogynistic. Just how easy was it for women to shape their own destinies?

In this three-part series, Worsley aims to find out, beginning by looking at the mistresses of Charles II – who included actress Nell Gwynn, royalist Barbara Villiers and French spy Louise de Keroualle – and asking whether they really were in control of their own lives.

THERE’S lots of talk about how as a nation we are getting fatter and how we’d all be healthier if we watched our weight. But what of the rather large women who are all too happy with their weight, and are trying to get even bigger?

Well, they appeal to the millions of men around the world who admire them and will even pay to watch them eat online.

My Big Fat Fetish follows the day-to-day lives of four “big” models, here and on the other side of the Atlantic, as well as their bizarre sexual lifestyles.

They include a 20-stone dental assistant who posts online videos of herself eating, a Leeds woman who travels to the US to take part in a 29-stone model’s internet photoshoot, and a 44-stone woman who can’t walk unaided – yet manages to make a living from her size.

YOUR starter for ten, no conferring: Which legendary Jamaican musician stormed the UK charts in 1969 with Wonderful World, Beautiful People; popularised reggae with Many Rivers to Cross, and enjoyed further success with a covers of Cat Stevens’ Wild World and Johnny Nash’s I Can See Clearly Now?

The answer, of course, is Jimmy Cliff, and he’s dropping in to the studio to perform tracks from his first album in seven years, Re:Birth, for Jools Holland.

The brilliantly eccentric Paloma Faith is always good value for money, whether flirting with Noel Fielding on Never Mind the Buzzcocks or contributing to The Voice UK. She’ll play a tune from Fall to Grace at the piano.

The last in Holland’s series also features Grammy winner Esperanza Spalding, Swedish rockers The Hives, synthpop duo Beach House and Nottinghamborn singer-songwriter Jake Bugg.