What a Carrie-on

FORGET the designer clothes and the cocktails-and-canapes New York lifestyle, what viewers of Sex And The City seem to relish above all is the minute detail with which the girls discuss in the ins and outs of their relationships with men. And while few women will ever experience a lifestyle like the SATC girls, for many dissecting relationships is not just a hobby, it's an obsession. Which will probably account for a large proportion of the crowds queuing up outside cinemas when the final, film-length episode of SATC opens on Wednesday. I doubt that anyone lives their life like these women, but they do each approach relationships in ways we can identify with,'' says Dr Victoria Lukats psychiatrist and dating expert for online dating firm PARSHIP. Of course it's fiction, but each character does represent an extreme female stereotype.'' We've joined up with Dr Victoria to look at each of the four main characters to find out where they go wrong, and right, with their relationships. Fans of the show and fellow daters, take note...

CONFLICTED CARRIE

"LIKE Samantha, Carrie sees herself as independent but she's also looking for the one'.

One of her difficulties is that she's got really high standards," says Victoria. It's interesting that the one man who continues to let her down is the one she can't give up - Big. Other men, like Aiden, don't let her down - but she enjoys the passion and the thrill of the chase.

In reality, this kind of behaviour is not unusual.

If you recognise it in yourself, don't let yourself continue to repeat dysfunctional patterns. Think about being more willing to compromise and be flexible.

Although that doesn't necessarily mean lowering your standards. It's about realising that while passion is exciting, in 20 years time that might not be the only thing that's important.''

MAN-EATER SAMANTHA

"AS an alpha female and very driven career woman, Samantha enjoys her independence and doesn't need to be validated by a man,'' explains Victoria. Although she does commit to her young boyfriend Smith in the end, she struggles with the idea. Her idea of commitment is having a long-term relationship with someone who, hopefully, isn't seeing anyone else. She's not interested in marriage or a family.

If you identify with Samantha, this approach to relationships doesn't need to be a problem. I see no reason why you should change your attitude or behaviour to fit in with society's expectations as long as you're happy."

ROMANTIC CHARLOTTE

"SHE is the archetypal high maintenance princess who is looking for a provider and a good husband,'' says Victoria.

If you recognise yourself in Charlotte, be careful not to alienate your girlfriends while on your quest for Mr Right.

Also, don't destroy a new relationship by immediately telling your date about your dreams. Having that conversation any earlier than six to 12 months in will scare off even the most eligible man.

Lastly, although in one sense it's good to know what you want, be aware that spontaneous love is important. And those who try to mould themselves into the perfect housewife and mother are usually disappointed, because life is never perfect."

DETERMINED MIRANDA

"MIRANDA is another strong and independent woman, who finds the idea of sacrificing her career and independence to a man horrifying. But unlike Samantha or Carrie, behind her sarcastic sense of humour, Miranda is supremely sensitive,'' says Victoria.

I do think that many women who come across as successful can suffer from a lack of self-confidence when it comes to relationships. Miranda is aloof when she first meets a man - even when she meets future husband Steve - because she's on the defensive. If you find yourself using sarcasm needlessly, and being sharp with men, try softening your approach. There's no point in trying to pretend you're something you're not, but you can show a man you're independent and witty, without throwing it in their face.

WHICH CHARACTER ARE YOU MOST LIKE

NOT sure which of the above descriptions apply to you?

Take our fun quiz, prepared by dating psychologist Dr Victoria Lukats, to find out whether you're a Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte or Miranda.

1. Imagine you're single.

You're in a bar with friends after work and an attractive man catches your eye. What would you do to let him know you're interested?

a) I'd wait for him to make the first move. If he was really interested he would approach me. Anyway, it's men who should do the chasing.

b) I'd smile back and manoeuvre myself within easy striking distance so he could chat me up and buy me a drink.

c) I'd bide my time. First I'd check out the room for better talent, and if he was the best on offer, I'd make a move.

d) I'd be a bit hesitant, but I'd offer to buy him a drink to show that I'm an independent woman.

2. In terms of relationships, do you think there are defined roles for men and women?

a) If it's financially possible the woman should definitely stay at home and provide a stable home environment.

b) No, people should do what makes them happy. If the man wants to stay at home, he should.

c) Yes there probably are, but I don't care and I'll do whatever I want.

d) Traditional roles were created by men to make their lives easier.

3. If left to your own devices to plan a first date, what would you do?

a) I'd end up saying, I don't know, what do you want to do?' I think the man should arrange the first date.

b) I'd just think about where was practical for us to meet and then go for a drink or for a meal somewhere that I know.

c) I'd make sure to book a table at the latest hot bar or restaurant that everyone is trying to get into.

d) I'd go for something interesting that would give us something to talk about, like an exhibition or a trip to the zoo.

4. Imagine you've been dating a man for a few weeks and you've got a good feeling about him. He invites you to a party, but then he starts flirting with someone else. What would you do?

a) I'd pretend I didn't notice, then later I'd ask him about it and try to establish if he's serious about me.

b) I'd be very upset, probably cry and leave immediately.

c) Two can play that game. I'd find someone just as gorgeous to flirt with.

d) If she was more attractive than me, I'd just leave and try and forget I'd ever met him.

5. Imagine you've been dating the same man for three months, and while snooping around his flat you came across a picture of his ex - topless. How would you react?

a) I'd think, She may have bigger boobs, but I've got a much better body. Anyway he's with me now.' b) I'd ask him about his ex and what she was like, even though I would be torturing myself.

c) I'd think, Everyone's got a past' and try not to think about it.

d) I'd suffer in silence and hope that he didn't still have feelings for her.

6. Do you believe there's a perfect partner for everyone, a soulmate?

a) Yes, I think there's someone perfect for everyone. You just have to find them.

b) I'm not sure, but I like to think so.

c) I don't know and at the moment I don't care.

d) The majority of relationships break down sooner or later, and people who do stay together forever are compromising rather than remaining perfectly happy.

7. How do you feel about being faithful to one person in a long-term relationship?

a) I've been unfaithful in the past and I think realistically I'd be tempted to stray again.

b) I'm not looking for a serious monogamous relationship. Just now I'm more interested in having fun.

c) It's the ideal to aim for, but I'm not sure it's possible.

d) Trust and fidelity are very important to me and would be essential, without any exceptions, in a longterm relationship.

Mostly As You're Charlotte

You're idealistic and eternally optimistic when it comes to relationships.

You're an old-fashioned girl at heart, which means you stick to the rules of social and dating etiquette, but your boyfriend or partner could never claim that he doesn't know what he's getting.

Mostly Bs You're Carrie

You want all-consuming love, passion and romance, but you can be suspicious of your instincts - perhaps you've been hurt in the past. You've got a tendency to hedge your emotional bets, which can sometimes send out mixed signals to men...

Will you, won't you? But that also makes you an intriguing challenge.

Mostly Cs You're Samantha

You're the kind of woman who likes to be on top (of the situation). You can give the strongest alpha male a run for his money. It's not that you aren't capable of commitment, it's just that you're confident enough to play the field for the moment.

Mostly D's You're Miranda

You're a woman who works hard at striking her own path. Behind your sometimes cynical veneer you still believe in honesty and integrity, but this makes you easily disappointed when people don't live up to your standards.

ANSWERS. 1 a) A b) B c) C d) D; 2 a) A b) B c) C d) D; 3 a) A b) D c) C d) B; 4 a) B b) A c) C d) D; 5 a) C b) B c) A d) D; 6 a) A b) B c) C d) D; 7 a) B b) C c) D d) A