Baby boomers

FROM her hospital bed, Noreen tells us that this is the last one.

"She says that every time," husband Mohamed points out. She says enough is enough, but her other half thinks otherwise. The 35-year-old has just had child number ten - or it may have been 11, I got confused and lost count - and each birth is taking its toll. The way the maternity nurse talks you surmise that she thinks it would be unwise for her health to have any more children.

Mohamed says it's nothing to do with him, which contravenes many people's idea of the husband-and-wife reproduction process. His view is that Allah decides how many children he has.

He had sex with a condom once and hated it. It's not natural, he explains. Unprotected sex is like having your own set of teeth instead of dentures. A strange analogy that, possibly the first time sex and dentures have been compared.

Mohamed and Noreen are one of three couples with huge families featured in 13 Kids And Wanting More. The documentary offers no fresh insights into having lots of children and even holds back on the large amounts of household articles needed to keep going (they drink five gallons of milk in two days - that sort of thing). But it will provoke heated debate on the pros and cons of people having more children than sense.

Mohamed features in this programme fresh from being billed as UNEMPLOYED SCOUNGER' in a national newspaper headline.

This raises the point of who pays - apart from Noreen's health - when couples overstep the 2.4 children mark?

Mohamed finds it difficult to get a job that "does justice to his qualifications". He has seven British degrees, but blames his colour and being a Muslim for being unable to find work. Besides, he already has a full-time job - making children and trying to live with ten youngsters in a four-bedroom house.

Deborah and Derek have been married 23 years and have 13 children, aged 21 to 18 months. They're preparing to have another one. At 43, Deborah knows the older she gets the more likely there is of a miscarriage and must get her body in peak condition, undertaking a course of reflexology.

They started a big family more or less by accident. "We thought we'd have a few kids, maybe two or three, but they were so good we had another one and another one. They're all lovely," says Derek.

Deborah can't wait to get pregnant again, taking a test at the earliest moment and then having to wait a while to take another test for the definitive answer. Having children seems almost like an obsession she can't control.

Karen and Ellis have 12 children. She just loves babies, waxing lyrical about "new-born baby smell" and saying: "I can't wait for that". With a houseful aged 19 to newborn, it's a good job she doesn't go off them when they start growing. She's never felt "don't have another one because I couldn't cope".

They're even collecting council houses. They have two which they're currently converting into one.

PEOPLE think you're mad, but it's just love," says Ellis, second-guessing the conclusion some viewers will reach after watching this documentary.

The couple go to Scotland to see relatives, their first holiday in seven years. The trip includes a visit to a graveyard where her family are buried. She lost her dad to cancer when she was 12 and feels her childhood wasn't the same after that, perhaps giving a clue as to her motives for having many children.

Karen takes her baby bag in case she goes into labour. Three of her children have come early, so she wants to be prepared. It's still as exciting for her having her 12th baby as having her first. Deborah, too, has got it down to a fine art: "Go in, have baby, quick sleep and back home, no fuss."

Noreen has a tougher time. She's kept in hospital a day longer to give her body time to recover. You can only hope Mohamed sees the light and doesn't make her go through it again.