ARE you happy? Probably not. Not many of us are. Even if you were happy before, the latest round of news is likely to plunge you into instant gloom.

The number of people taking anti-depressants is at a record high - more than 31 million prescriptions last year. More children and teenagers are trying to kill themselves. The world and his wife are queuing up for cosmetic surgery as they are so miserable about the way they look. And even singer Lily Allen, who you would think would have everything going for her, is writing a blog "in a sea of tears" having spent a lonely night researching weight loss surgery because she thinks she's too fat at a size 12.

Ho hum. What's happened?

We are richer, healthier and have easier lives than any other generation before of us. So why are we so miserable?

Leaving aside the smallish proportion who are seriously clinically depressed - a desperate illness like any other - there is another huge layer of people who aren't so much miserable as unhappy and dissatisfied.

They have a huge hunger for something but don't know what it is. Presumably that's why they turn to food, drink, drugs and shopping to try to find out. And all they end up with is a hangover, a liver problem, a big bum and bankruptcy. Oh yes, and a wardrobe full of over-priced clothes, shoes and bags.

I'm the first to admit that a little judicious shopping can lighten and brighten a day. My latest purchase - a bright pink and gold evening bag - makes me smile when I look at it. But it cost only £25 and replaces a bag I've had for about ten years. Not exactly galloping consumerism.

The term retail therapy started as a joke. Now too many people believe in it. Here's a tip. When anyone tells you that something is a 'must have' ask why. It could save you a lot of money. Not to mention a wardrobe full of things you never wear.

In the meantime, more of us are taking pills, hoping they will find happiness for us.

But all is not lost. New studies released this week show that one of the simplest and most effective ways of coping with depressions is ecotherapy - otherwise known as a walk in the country. Other studies in the past have shown that gardening - the simple pleasure of growing something - has had encouraging results with the less seriously depressed.

So there you have it. Fresh air and exercise and digging the garden could all help unlock the secrets of happiness. Your granny could have told you that. Probably did.

And as granny was too busy to get down, then maybe she might have been right all along.

WHILE the hunt goes on for Madeleine McCann and her mother looks more desperately gaunt and terrified, there are still a few smug, sneering people with nothing better to do than gather on the moral high ground and score points. Oh no, they say, they would never have left their children alone, they have never taken their eyes off them for a moment, their children would never go missing or get lost.

How insufferable can you get? Do they really think it helps?

I would refer these self-satisfied pillars of smugness to the New Testament, to the book of Luke, Chapter 2. You may remember the story - Mary and Joseph and the young Jesus went off to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. On the way home, Jesus went missing. Mary and Joseph just thought he was with one of their friends and relations.

They travelled a whole day before they realised he wasn't with them. And it was three days later before they found him back in Jerusalem in the temple.

If Mary and Joseph can do it, then what hope for the rest of us?

So, if you are one of those who are so smug and self-righteous and sure of your parenting skills, just remember that you are setting yourself up to be better not just than the McCanns or the rest of us, but even better than the mother of God.

Well done. Congratulations. And when you've stopped dazzling us all with the brightness of your halo, maybe you can find a little Christian charity and compassion instead. Or at least be self-satisfied in silence.