OH no. The sun is out. I seem to be the only person in England who can cope with temperatures above 18C. Everyone else goes a little crazy.

After work last week, a friend asked if I wanted to go for a drink.

"We can sit in the beer garden," he said.

But it's 7pm, I argued. And April.

"But it's been sunny all day," he replied.

But it's 7pm, I argued. And April.

"We don't get the sun often," my friend said. "Don't be boring."

Well excuse me for wanting to sit inside when it's cold outside. How boring to not want pneumonia. Of course, my arm was twisted. It always is. So, for the next hour, I sat on a rickety chair with my jacket on, shivering.

As my teeth chattered and the wind blew, I was having The Least Enjoyable Pint In History. I then noticed a funny thing. The beer garden was full.

Everyone, it seemed, wanted to drink and shiver. Some of them were wearing shorts. To a man, they looked miserable.

It was practically dark when the gloomy drinkers moved inside, huddling together for heat. The Government should put out adverts: "Warning: Bright sunshine does not mean soaring heat."

It's not just cold beer gardens - sane people do loads of insane things when the sun puts his hat on. I'm still waiting for someone to suggest The Annual Bike Ride.

Once a year, usually around May, someone will get the bikes out for an evening ride.

"It's been sunny all day," they'll say.

They want to ride past cornfields and hay meadows. They want wind to stream through their hair. They want to be the Famous Five.

But, by the time you've fixed the puncture, oiled the chain, and pumped up the tyres, it's 8pm, and cold. Still, can't waste that effort, so you set off. Except by then, there's one crucial ingredient missing: enthusiasm.

After ten minutes, the first hill looms, the sky is grey, and your body already aches. There are buses up your backside.

You then realise why it's an annual event: bike rides are rubbish. The 15-mile, two-hour ride is aborted. The bike is put back in the garage - where it belongs - and stays there. Until the first sunny evening next May.

There are other irritations when the sun comes out, too. Flip-flops, for example. Sunglasses. Sleeveless tops. People who, all of a sudden, want to play frisbee, or rounders. Barbecues. Water fights. Men taking their shirts off.

The English mentality does not suit sunny weather. We get excitable and carried away. It's like a 15-year-old having his first drink.

If someone suggests The Annual Bike Ride tonight, do yourself a favour, and go to the pub instead. But go inside. The beer garden will be freezing.