A service celebrates the 80th birthday of a former rap granny and the wonderful world of entertainment
Daddy wouldn’t buy me a
bow-wow
Daddy wouldn’t buy me a
bow-wow;
I have a little cat
And I’m very fond of that,
But I’d rather have a bowwow
– Joseph Tabrar
DAPHNE CLARKE’s 80th birthday was celebrated vividly, idiosyncratically and wholly memorably.
No one who knows her would ever have supposed otherwise.
There was a church service at which she preached, superbly, on joy and at which they played the Bow- Wow song – written by Joseph Tabrar, her great, great uncle – while taking the collection.
Three days later, there was a lunch, afternoon tea and goodness knows what else when family members entertained with everything from Crimond to can-can, though fading memory suggests that none of us actually danced to either.
None of it, however, effectively addressed the issues of whether Daddy Wouldn’t Buy Me a Bow-wow is all bed and bawdy – “Lewd, it had to be sung by a woman,” says Marita Staite, Daphne’s sister – or of why Daphne herself is not manager of the England football team, having written rather a good application letter.
The service was at Richmond Methodist Church. Afterwards, I’d asked if she had any regrets. Daphne said not, that life had been good, but next day she rang with two regrets.
The first was that she’d never had a children’s fantasy novel published.
The second that, unlike Harry Levaine, her grandfather, she’d never appeared in the Royal Variety Performance.
It may only be a matter of time.
Ten commandments
Things you may never have
known about the Royal
Variety Performance
- The show celebrates its
centenary this year, the first
“Command Performance” at the
Palace Theatre in 1912. Three
million roses decorated the
theatre.
- Supposed “too risqué” for
their majesties, singer Marie
Lloyd booked a nearby theatre
instead. The bills proclaimed it
“by command of the British
public”.
- The second show was in 1919,
the name changed from Royal
Command Performance to Royal
Variety Performance.
- Alec Dane appeared in the
1934 show. Readers are invited
to recall the television role for
which he became famous.
Answer at the foot of the
column.
- The Queen’s first Royal Variety
Performance was in 1952, artists
including Norman Wisdom and
the Beverley Sisters. The Duke is
said particularly to have been
taken by Tony Hancock.
- The Lord Chamberlain’s
office turned down ITV’s offer
to television the 1955
performance, “because
television endangers the
variety theatre”.
- The 1956 show was cancelled
four hours before curtain after
Britain invaded Suez. Liberace
broke down in tears. “I’ve been
rehearsing this bloody act for
two weeks, so someone’s gonna
hear it,” said comedian Jimmy
Wheeler, and gave a one-man
show regardless.
- The Beatles enjoyed their
first Royal Variety Performance
in 1963. “Those in the cheap
seats clap your hands, the rest
rattle your jewellery,” John
Lennon famously observed.
- Barefoot singer Sandie Saw
changed out of her mini-skirt
before meeting the Queen after
the 1966 show. “It’s all right on
stage, but meeting the Queen
needs something a bit more
special,” she said.
- The Entertainment Artistes’
Benevolent Fund website,
gratefully acknowledged, has a
2009 picture of “Her Majesty
the Queen being presented to
Lady Gaga”. It’s possible they
mean the other way round.
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