MR George Brown, who 40 years ago played football for Tow Law and England and now plays Internet poker instead, had almost rhapsodically recommended the chips at Bailie's restaurant in Barnard Castle. Like some of Geordie's finest goals, up bank at Ironworks Road, it proved an absolute winner.

At the first attempt we'd turned up at 10am, perhaps expecting full English and French fries, and shouldn't have been surprised to find it shut.

Last Tuesday we arrived at 1.45pm and were clocked at once. "You opened Middlestone Moor carnival 30 years ago," said Tony Turner, who runs the place - Barney and Bailie's - with his son-in-law Harry, young Bailie, and their wives.

Tony had been an accountant, financial director of Darchem at Stillington, near Stockton, retired eight years ago to spend more time on the golf course.

Harry trained at the Ritz, has cooked at the Royal County in Durham and at Durham County Cricket Club, decided he wanted something off his own bat. Father-in-law figures that if he looks after the pennies, the pounds will look after themselves. The team's working.

The restaurant's on The Bank, near the Market Cross. Once it was Priors, vegetarian, then Oldfield's. Bill Oldfield now runs eponymous places in Durham and Jesmond instead but continues to market Barnard Castle, most recently with a scheme to sling a high falutin' rope bridge where a great railway viaduct once spanned.

The response has been mixed, a great divide, the Teesdale Mercury's correspondents outspoken. One, memorably, concluded with the phrase about rope and hanging himself. Bill hopes that his critics, if not his bridge, may still be swayed.

The restaurant's present incarnation is cool in several senses: informal, relaxed, stylish and unfussy. Earlier that lunchtime they'd hosted a leaving do for the nearby Deerbolt Borstal, or whatever such deferred success centres are now called. This was for one of the staff. The young gentlemen who periodically decide not to return to Deerbolt don't usually give notice of their intention.

Up front there's a comfortable little reception area, out the back a splendid decked patio, sybaritic in the summer sunshine. Next door, out the back, stands a row of doors with numbers like 5b, 5c and so forth.

Once they must have been netties. Now they're probably self-contained studio apartments with a six figure price tag.

Barney is bijou now. Lunches, misleadingly described as "light", range from sandwiches and jacket potatoes to chargrilled sirloin steak with peppercorn and herb butter, a lightly dressed "continental salad" and French fries.

Some homme frit mention pommes frites? These were sublime, beyond question the best ever eaten in a restaurant - wonderfully crisp on the outside, mellifluous within, cooked in manifestly fresh oil which added a distinctive flavour.

The steak was carefully prepared, the "butter" decadently delicious. We drank Coke. "Full strength?" asked Tony, surprised, perhaps having heard too many canards at the carnival.

From a lunch list which included fresh mussels with tomato and chilli sauce (and chips) and parmesan glazed tortellini ricotta with garlic bread (£5.95), The Boss ordered the grilled seafood salad - with salmon, sea bass and king prawns, it said - and a lemon and dill dressing (£8.95.)

The last of the king prawns had been seen off the premises by the Deerbolt delegation. Would she have scallops and smoked salmon instead? Can a sturgeon swim?

"The perfect lunch," she said, though not so perfect that we couldn't tackle a couple of puddings, all home made and all £4.50.

The puddings were pinched from a sensibly short evening menu where main courses ranged between £12-£14 and included pan fried duck breast with a hot and sour syrup topped with chive cream and croutons, roast rump of lamb with a fresh parsnip puree, parsnip crisps and red wine sauce and (£11.50) wild mushroom and asparagus risotto, glazed with goats' cheese.

Both the rhubarb and ginger cheesecake, wonderfully light and beautifully presented, and the warm chocolate fondant with dark chocolate sauce and abundant fruit were a testament to the sons of the dessert.

It was a memorable meal, bill Bailie's about £33 with soft drinks and coffee. Like Geordie Brown in his pomp, unequivocally and unforgettably excellent.

* Bailie's Restaurant, 7 The Bank, Barnard Castle, Co Durham, (01833 630700.) Open 11.45am-2.30pm and from 6.30pm Monday to Saturday; evening bookings recommended. Summer barbecue evenings, 5pm-7pm Monday and Tuesday. No smoking, no problem for the disabled.

A MOST agreeable lunch at Number Twenty-2 in Darlington last Thursday with a retired Church of England vicar - delightful chap - and with his no less engaging cousin, a former bank manager who is about to train for the priesthood.

Despite what the Dictionary of Quotations says about there being no such thing as a free lunch - usually attributed to the American economist Milton Friedman - it seemed that this was to be one of those rare, no-strings occasions. The younger man insisted that he had paid, and doubtless believed that he had.

Back in the office, however, the bar rang to confirm that axiomatic Mr Friedman was right along - only the second time in all these years that we've left without settling the bill. The first was with the Bishop of Durham.

THOUGH by no means the automotive equivalent of waiting at the gates of heaven, Bishop Auckland bus station is at least preferable to the situation - the long standing situation, as it were - in Darlington. Darlington, lamentably, doesn't have a bus station at all.

It could be better yet. The Derby, the pub next door, has adopted a guest real ale policy and is advertising that it's the place to come in out of the cold.

While to be commended, it is also a place where those who go to the pub to get away from loud television might feel more comfortable being frozen to the quick awaiting the Ferryhill flyer.

Next to the Derby is one of Clem Oxenham's fish and chip emporia, where the evening special (3pm-9pm) offers a three course meal plus bottle of beer or glass of wine for £6.95. It seems remarkable value.

Not enough waiting time, we opted instead for a nicely battered haddock with chip shop chips and mushy peas, £6.25.

An extensive menu, from which even the salmon steak can be deep fried on request, also included puddings like "Oxo's Own" - sponges - and Mermaid's Desire, which turned out to be rice pudding and may explain why you don't see too many mermaids knocking about.

They'd to be foregone. It was time once again to catch the bus.

FOLLOWING a couple of recent meals in Richmond, and the suggestion that it needs to buck up its ideas, a note arrives to say that "stays" are 18 per cent up as the town celebrates the 850th anniversary of its charter. We also happened to be there at 9am last Tuesday, and since nowhere else appeared open went back to the Cross View Caf, featured last week. They do good coffee, an' all.

...and finally, the bairns wondered if we knew what's purple and 4,000 miles long.

The grape wall of China, of course.

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