SINCE love may conquer all but it's duty which pays the gas bill, the column found itself on the evening of St Valentine's Day at a diocesan service in Penshaw in celebration of holy wedlock. Some marriage lines now follow.

There, too, were Ted and Mona Young from Annfield Plain, who'd met at the Essoldo in Stanley - a film of Joe Walcott fighting Joe Louis, Ted thinks - and mark 50 years happy marriage on March 31.

"As soon as I saw her I thought that's my lass," said Ted.

"I don't know about Joe Louis, but I was just fighting to keep him away from me," said Mona.

They argue, they said, almost every day. Ted, they agreed, is the one who generally makes up, in order never to let the sun go down on a quarrel. "It's the best advice you can give."

Penshaw, of course, is best known for its Monument, visible many a mile and venue for many an egg rolling contest. The Roman Catholic church of Our Lady Queen of Peace is impressive, too.

Built 35 years ago and attractively re-ordered in 1997 - even churches have to be user friendly these days - its new parish priest is Fr Michael McCoy. As we had supposed, he is one of the Horden McCoys.

Every McCoy in the world is probably one of the Horden McCoys, or has an aunt who is. Even the Shildon polliss was a Horden McCoy. The Horden McCoys are the real McCoys.

Valentine, at any rate, is a saint about whom next to nothing is known for certain. Some reckon there were two Valentines, others three, but that's another martyr. The love-link may be because his feast day on February 14 coincided with the time of year when birds traditionally paired off with a mate.

"The connection of lovers with St Valentine, with all its consequences for the printing and retailing industries, is one of the less likely results of the cult of the Roman martyrs," observes the Oxford Book of Saints, a little dryly.

Northern Cross, the splendid Hexham and Newcastle diocesan newspaper, reckoned Wednesday's occasion "an effort to reclaim what has become a purely secular event and to counter the often negative image of marriage presented by the media."

On the same page as a piece about St Valentine ("it's amazing how little is known about him") Northern Cross also reprinted Mark Twain's observation that few sinners are saved after the first 20 minutes of a sermon.

The Bishop of Durham, among other preachers, refines the advice to "If you've not struck oil after ten minutes, stop boring." Either way, it was to prove apposite.

A full church, a swell of couples renewing their wedding vows, heard Bishop Ambrose Griffiths lead a short liturgy and the familiar reading from Corinthians about the greatest gift being love.

"I think we all know in our hearts that that description of love is absolutely right," said Bishop Ambrose. "Without love we can do nothing of eternal value."

Teams of Our Lady, a Catholic marriage support group which had organised the event, had also produced ten incisive "Beatitudes for married couples" - Blessed are couples who give each other approval; Blessed are couples who caress; Blessed are couples who listen to each other.

The main part of the evening, however, was a talk by Dr Jack Dominian called Faithfulness and Forgiveness in Marriage. Dr Dominian, a psychiatrist and renowned marriage expert, was said to have written "more than 18 books".

It is a turn of phrase, familiar closer to home, which always seems curious. How many is more than 18? Nineteen? Nine million?

Nobody explained, and however many Dr Dominian has written, has he ever read Mark Twain? The talk - a paper, he called it, though around Penshaw a paper is the Sunderland Echo - lasted 65 minutes.

Whilst doubtless it would have impressed the Royal College of Psychiatrists, the effect upon the 300 congregation at Our Lady Queen of Peace seemed less certain. Were one or two nodding, or just thinking deeply? The latter, no doubt.

The speaker did, however, essay two jokes, the first about a woman who complained to a judge that her husband hadn't spoken to her for two years.

"I didn't like to interrupt," he said.

The other was about a wife who complained that her old feller never told her he loved her.

"I told you I loved you 25 years ago, why do you want me to do it again?" he retorted. "If I change my mind, I'll let you know."

Afterwards, Bishop Ambrose said that he regretted the over-commercialisation of St Valentine's Day but admitted that otherwise he might hardly have been heard of.

Dr Dominian said that he hadn't sent his wife a card. "I gave her a kiss," he added.

His latest book, be it nineteenth or nine millionth, is called Let's Make Love. On balance, and blow the gas bill, it would probably have been a better way of keeping warm