WHAT is the problem with hair? David Beckham, England football captain, millionaire, doting husband, besotted dad and loving son, has had his hair cut. Granted, it is a peculiarly unflattering style but, suddenly, critics are calling him aggressive, a punk, a yob, a lout, even a psychopath and "an anti-sociual moron". They are asking if it's a suitable look for a captain of England.

Please. It's only a haircut. He hasn't raped your granny, punched a passer-by or even lost the ability to play football. He's exactly the same man, just looks a bit dafter.

But the way we do our hair is a sign of how we want to be seen by the world. When Madonna or Princess Diana changed their hairstyles it made front page news. Even Tony Blair's haircut has made the news in the past. And, currently, Beckham is feeling a bit rebellious, possibly because the rest of his life is really so respectable and law-abiding. He's entitled to an ugly haircut.

And it's hardly even the daftest style in football. Think of all those flowing locks from the South Americans, or Ruud Gullitt, who had what looked like one of my mother's lampshades on his head.

But in a few weeks' time, Beckham's odd cut could have grown out. He could look as boringly respectable as Gary Lineker.

Hair grows. That's what it does. And that's the best reason of all for not making a fuss about it. Especially on a footballer.

LOGICALLY, there's probably no reason that a 56-year-old should not become a mother of twins. But logic hasn't got much to do with it. Granted, Lynne Bezant already has three grown-up children. She also had to use donor eggs to achieve pregnancy. Nature had already decided it was too late. Well, yes, but if we believed that Mother Nature knew best about everything, there'd be no pain killers, no anaesthesia and most of us would be dead long before we were Mrs Bezant's age. Mother Nature is no expert witness. And yes, Mrs Bezant will be 74 by the time the twins are technically adults, but we regularly hear of fathers of Mrs Bezant's age and applaud them. And 74, these days, is no great age. When life was shorter, children more numerous and childbirth more perilous, very few mothers lived to see all their children grow up. That we assume we will, is a very modern luxury.

And even in these ultra healthy days, who's to know what's round the next corner - possibly on the wrong side of the road and driving too fast? And that can happen at 32 as easily as at 62.

No. We cannot really object to Mrs Bezant on the grounds of nature or of her age. But it still leaves us feeling uneasy, doesn't it?

None of us, come to that, can really justify our reasons for having children. When it comes down to it, most reasons are pretty selfish and that's not counting all children so casually conceived, in or out of marriage.

I think it was the way the Bezants were reported as wanting children "because they felt lonely". Could they not have got a dog? Joined a health club? Gone on Saga trips? Helped in schools? When you are in your fifties, surely there are better ways of coping with loneliness than getting pregnant?

By the time you get to that age, most people are as grown up as they're going to get. It's time for a new stage in their lives. After the hurly burly of raising a family, it's a time to get your life back, to move on, to enjoy life as a couple before you have to start helping out with the grandchildren.

And that's why the Bezants make us feel uneasy - just because they're doing the right thing at the wrong time. But they're not the only ones.

To everything there is a season. And that's the problem. In recent years, the seasons have gone out of sync. Children are growing up too fast and behaving like sophisticated twenty somethings. Then, thirty something singletons have regressed to childhood and are terrified of responsibility. Meanwhile, those in their fifties are increasingly having a second go at life, off adventuring, shinning up the Himalayas, doing VSO, taking a gap year. For many, their fifties are the new adolescence. And looked at like that, the Bezants' decision makes complete sense - they're just behaving like typical teenagers. But I still think they should have got a dog.

BIG hips are healthier, says a new report. Excellent news. I now look forward to more reports saying that spare tyres and big thighs are good for you too. And as for those little wobbly bits at the top of your arms...

DESPERATELY moving to see the men of the Burma Star Association parading so proudly at the weekend. In their battle against the Japanese, they fought some of the bravest, most terrible battles of the last war. Yet, by the time they returned to Britain, they had become the Forgotten Army.

Most are now in their eighties and, as they marched down Whitehall - a bit shakily perhaps but with terrific determination and dignity - we could only guess at the horrors so many of them must have seen, so many friends and comrades they must have lost. Now, we are a compensation culture, quick as a whip to demand massive cash settlements for the slightest injury, missed opportunity or hurt feelings. Next time we're tempted to think we're hard done by, maybe we should remember the Burma Star veterans. And think again.

MICK Jagger is a wonderful father, says Jerry Hall. Well, with seven children from four different mothers, he's had plenty of practice, hasn't he?

Published: 30/05/2001