To mark the 20th anniversary of the start of the Falklands War, Nick Morrison talks to a former Royal Marine about how the conflict has left its mark on his life

WHEN the air raid red signal went up, Colin Waite was just finishing his tea. With a cup of coffee in his hand, he walked to the corner of one of the sheds being used as a store at San Carlos Bay in time to see two lines of tracer bullets coming towards him.

"My friend said he saw the tracer pass between my legs. I turned and ran and threw myself to the ground," says the former Royal Marine. "I remember looking back as I hit the deck and seeing the Skyhawk about 30-40ft off the ground. I could see the pilot looking over his right shoulder - it was as though he was looking down at me.

"I saw the bomb drop. The parachute went up and it was like slow motion. I kept watching it for a couple of seconds and then I knew I had to get my head down."

The 500lb bomb, capable of doing enormous damage, landed in the middle of the camp, but by some quirk of fate it landed two inches inside a trench. Two men inside the trench were killed, but the trench walls absorbed most of the blast, preventing an even greater loss of life.

"The truth of the matter is that if it had landed on the ground the shrapnel would have spread at ground level and no matter how far down the ground you were, you would have been shredded or very badly injured.

"My instant reaction was to pull my face as far down as possible, but I felt he bomb coupling part the hairs on my head. It was the luckiest experience I will ever have - in a two minute time frame I escaped tracer fire and a 500lb bomb."

Colin, originally from Bishop Auckland, County Durham, and a 23-year-old vehicle mechanic in the Royal Marines, was part of the beach landing party which went ashore at San Carlos Bay on May 21, 1982, as the Task Force attempted to recapture the Falkland Islands from the Argentine invaders.

"We drove ashore and we had to start preparing the beachhead - putting the track in and digging trenches. Within about ten minutes of starting the trench we got our first air raid and it went on continually throughout the day.

"I have never seen any pilots braver than those Argentinian guys. They had everything coming at them. From then on it was a regular thing, we were getting air raids all the time and we could hear the bombs going off.

"People say 'Were you afraid?' but you don't have time. You honestly don't have time."

Principal targets of the Argentine pilots were the ships in San Carlos Bay, including HMS Fearless, which had transported Colin to the South Atlantic and was commanding the landing operation.

As more troops came ashore, Colin was responsible for keeping them supplied with food and ammunition, as well as building a runway for Harrier jets. And his experience showed how far the recapture of the islands was from being a foregone conclusion. "We were very short of ammunition. If the Argentines had made a last push with everything they had we would have been pushed back to San Carlos. The guns would have lasted another two days.

"The Argentines only once ever attacked the ground forces with aircraft. If they had done that a few more times they would have had a more sustained attack. And some of the cock-ups on our side were unbelievable, but that is war. You have got to expect mistakes."

When Port Stanley had been recaptured, and the Union Jack once more flew from the Governor's residence, Colin went into the islands' main settlement.

"I don't think relief came into it. It was just that we had done it. We were proud - we did what we set out to do and we had a sudden sense of purpose. It was something we had trained for, and as a team we had completed something."

Colin, 43, who now lives in Middleton-in-Teesdale, has no doubts over the justice of recapturing the Falklands by force. But the conflict has left a lasting and unwelcome legacy. As his experiences spilled over into his private life, his marriage broke down and he was forced to leave the Marines.

"You didn't have time to stop and think at the time and you've got adrenalin running through your system. It's afterwards when it kicks in. I still have the dream about the aircraft, but I die every time.

"Most people have got a lot of pain from what happened, but it doesn't hit you until later in life. I have a lot of trouble coping with stressful situations and I try and run away from anything that causes major problems. A few of my friends have committed suicide and when I split up from my first wife I was going down that route. I have to admit I came close. You are supposed to be tough Royal Marines and you don't expect Royal Marines to cry, but now I'm very emotional. I will watch Bambi and cry."

Colin took up painting, depicting scenes from the conflict, and admits this was a coping mechanism, a way of releasing the stress which could otherwise have led him to take his own life. And he is critical of the Ministry of Defence's refusal to recognise the toll post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) has taken on servicemen who fought in the Falklands.

"PTSD is a true condition but the forces just don't understand - they don't know how to look after people. Their theory is we should just get up and and carry on, but we're talking human brains, which have a tendency to store things.

"It has toughened me up in some ways but in other ways it has knocked me back. The stress doesn't kick in for months, sometimes years afterwards because the adrenalin levels are so high.

"And so many guys suffer because they don't talk about it. I have only just started to do it now. There are a lot of people out there who have suffered badly as a result of the Falklands and they're still suffering today."

Tomorrow, the Battle for Mount Tumbledown