H'Angus the Monkey is crossing frontiers - the Hartlepool mascot's fist at mayoralty made about ten column inches at the weekend in the up-market Scotland on Sunday.

"A dead ringer for one of the Banana Splits," claimed SoS, which would have stirred memories for children of the 70s.

The Banana Splits was a Hanna-Barbera programme with a memorable theme tune, shown on BBC1 on Saturday mornings and featuring an animal pop group - "a sort of zoological Monkees," says one of the television guides.

Like Stuart Drummond, who inhabits H'Angus, they were four fellers in outsize costumes, the precursors of mascot mania.

Fleegle was a guitar-playing basset hound with a lisp, Drooper a smart-Alec lion who ran a correspondence column, Snorky an egregious elephant and Bingo a bongo-playing gorilla.

The singer ringer must have been him, then.

Pictures of H'Angus, would-be mayor of Hartlepool, are now quite common. Much of yesterday, however, was spent trawling the Internet to find a photograph of Bingo with which to compare him.

Lookalike or simply apish? Like Hartlepool's monkey, we remain in suspense.

Collectors of football memorabilia will doubtless have realised that the condition of programmes is remarkably akin to that of human kind.

They may be frayed around the edges, slightly foxed, suffer from spinal problems or (in extreme cases) be delicate and damaged.

Then again, aren't we all?

We mention it because the catalogue for Methuselah's second auction has arrived, and even though the twopenny programme from the 1905 match between England and Ireland - Ayresome Park's first international - has a split spine and edge tearing, not to mention a bit of the back cover missing, it's expected to fetch at least £750.

Other lots, it should be said, are rather more within pocket money range.

Middlesbrough Res v Darlington Rise Carr, breaking the bounds to play in the North Riding Senior Cup, was a penny when the game was played in 1921 and should bring between £50-£75 now. Boro v Man United, 1912 - "sellotaped spine, no top right hand corner") is expected to attract bids over £200.

The auction, at the Marton Hotel in Middlesbrough on April 25, offers far more than programmes, however, among its 383 lots.

There is a Sunderland vacuum flask ("missing interior") and milk jug ("slight chips to rim") and even - useful after Saturday - a Tottenham Hotspur handkerchief. There is porcelain, Pyrex and plastic and, for those who've always wanted one, a Mettoy Franny Lee.

There are song sheets and John Craggs's shirt, phone card and first day covers, unused 1940s boots ("with a facsimile autograph of Jimmy Mullen") and even a set of football lacing tools - for the collector, presumably, who doesn't have it all.

Organiser John Wilson is confident that even the "Soccer Toppers" shirts free with every packet of Sugar Puffs will find another good home.

"There's almost nothing," he says, "that isn't just what someone always wanted."

* Catalogues for the second Great Northern Football Memorabilia Auction are available from Methuselah at Room 111, Marton Hotel Business Offices, Stokesley Road, Middlesbrough TS7 8DS. Telephone 01642 325355.

Whilst Bobby Robson may not yet come with a "Do not disturb" sign around his neck, guests at Northumberland FA's annual dinner on Friday were formally asked not to "pester" the Magpies manager - nor club chairman Freddie Shepherd - after they had taken their top table places.

It says much for the esteem in which The Great Man is held that no further pester control was necessary.

We sat, lower down, beside North Tyneside referee Eddie Ilderton - told just that morning that he will be the North-East's only addition to the Nationwide League referees' list next season - and his dad Ted, a former Northern League ref and refs' secretary.

"I taught him all he knows," said Ted.

"I made it in spite of him," said 32-year-old Eddie - and it was difficult to know which of them was more delighted.

Not quite an emergency, perhaps, but the lads at Billingham Synthonia FC were taken aback nonetheless to receive a telephone call last Thursday lunchtime from the Welsh fire brigade.

Synners were due to host the Fire Brigades' Cup final, England v Wales, 2.30pm kick-off. The Welsh had travelled as far as Carlisle before someone raised the navigational alarm.

"Where's Billingham in relation to Carlisle?" they asked.

"A bloody long way," said the Synners.

Moral of the story? When in Wales, take a stirrup pump.

From somewhere near the top of the Telegraph pole, where Friday's column placed him, Sunderland fan and Shildon lad Colin Randall e-mails about Ms Liz Hurley's new baby.

Damian Charles Hurley was born last Thursday, prompting prurience in the popular prints about the reason for his first name. Colin, however, believes it's the bairn's middle name which is significant.

Clearly, he says, Ms Liz is a Sunderland supporter, too - "the baby is named after the greatest centre half the world has ever seen."

Bishop Auckland's game with Bradford Park Avenue on April 20 won't, after all, be Kingsway's last hurrah.

The UniBond League fixture begins at 1pm. Starting at 3 30pm, Bishops' fan John Cowey is organising a farewell 11-a-side encounter involving anyone - "regardless of age, gender or ability" - who is prepared to pay for the privilege.

Since there may be many more than 22 nostalgia nuts, the game could extend into June.

Fifteen minutes of fame will cost £5, which includes an engraved medal. A full 90 minutes is £30. John's looking for players, officials, managers, mascots and sponsors - all proceeds to the club.

He's at 2 Nevilles Cross Villas, Durham DH1 4JR, telephone 07989 226838. Information and application forms are also available on www.bishopafc.com

Tom Purvis, Unimpressed of Sunderland, thought little of the FA Carlsberg Vase semi-final second leg between Durham City and Whitley Bay ten days ago.

"I put it down to the longest warm-up session I've ever seen," he writes. "With both sides limbering up for almost 50 minutes, no wonder the game itself was a tired out affair."

Tom was also taken by the official photographs - teams, sponsors, blazer brigade, hangers on - after which the snapper shouted "Hold the line" and ran round to take a back view as well.

Presumably, Tom muses, the shirts would help with player identification - "Photography by numbers" - but how do they clock the lads in mufti?

And finally...

The last all-London FA Cup final (Backtrack, April 5) was between Spurs and Queens Park Rangers in 1982. Spurs won 1-0 after a replay.

Still in 1982, we turn to lot 139 in Methuselah's auction - a first day cover commemorating the 100th League game at Roker Park between Sunderland and Middlesbrough, signed on April 3 by both managers.

Readers are invited to name them. We hope to manage again on Friday.

Published: 09/04/2002