WHAT a good week for middle-aged mothers. There were little things like Jodie Foster saying how much more interesting women are in their forties, and proving herself a splendid example.

Then there was the news that Helen Mirren and Julie Walters are to star in the film about the Rylstone and District WI ladies who stripped off for the first - and still by far the best - saucy nude calendar. You just know that film is going to be a hit.

And then there's the Mums' Army in Bradford.

These are volunteers, mainly in their forties and fifties, who are going out in the streets and dealing with teenage petty crime. Armed with nothing more than a mobile phone and a bit of very basic training, they've challenged drug dealers, truants, and helped cut graffiti and vandalism.

Organisers of the project, run in conjunction with the police, have deliberately recruited mums, aunties and grandmothers because they are effective and less likely to be confrontational than men.

And because we're naturally bossy.

I'm sorry, but that's how it is. If you've spent 20-odd years bringing up a family, you have an instinct for trouble that's honed to perfection. You also don't mind wading in and putting in your two pen'orth.

And mothers are used to coping. It's what we do. And taking charge of messy incidents. And shouting "Oi stop that!" at small boys throwing stones

Once upon a time, of course, every town in Britain was policed by a Mums' Army. Every mother felt she had a right - and a responsibility - to control anyone else's child, whether she knew them or not.

So complete strangers would tell you off for shouting in the street, or swearing or climbing trees, or not saying thank you, or just for being children really. They never minded who was watching or listening or what you would say behind their backs, they'd just wade right on in there.

Gosh, it was embarrassing.

Which is another of the great secret weapons. Being challenged in public by a mumsy middle-aged woman is about the most blush-making thing you can do to a teenager - which is probably why the Mums' Army is proving so effective.

The pilot scheme is already proving a great success and could start a pattern for the rest of the country.

In tackling crime, as in so many things, it's reassuring to know that Mum knows best.

Meanwhile, some more scaremongering research has said that mothers who work during their pregnancy could harm themselves and their babies.

Please.

In the days when most women had half-a-dozen children or so, they would spend most of their pregnancies dealing with a houseful of other children as well as washing, cooking and cleaning in the days when that meant a great deal of heavy manual labour. They rarely, if ever, had a chance to sit down and put their feet up - unless they were feeding the previous baby.

Sitting down in front of a computer in a nice clean office hardly compares.

The greatest cause of stress in pregnancy probably comes from too many panicky reports.

THE French presidential election was so boring and lacklustre that few people could get interested. And what happened? The extreme right wing Jean-Marie le Pen has got through to the second round. There are already riots on the streets.

All that is required for evil to flourish is that good men do nothing.

Just remember that before our next election.

PUTTING nine-year-olds in satin thongs and bra tops is asking for trouble. It's cultivating an air of sexuality long before little girls should be thinking of such things. And it all seems rather sad.

On the other hand, the great sexual revolution of the 1960s was led by women who'd spent their childhoods wearing navy blue knickers so big and baggy they came up to their armpits.

And did anyone really keep their hanky in that little pocket?

SVEN Goran Eriksson and Ulrika Jonsson were introduced by Tony Blair's spin doctor Alastair Campbell.

As he seems to have been so successful in playing Cupid, maybe he should try and restore the love lost between Tony Blair and Gordon Brown.

Beckham's foot? Sven's sex life?

Makes a change from the off-side rule...

Published:24/04/2002