After Dynasty (ITV), Believe Nothing (ITV), The Great Dome Robbery (C5), Art That Shook The World (BBC2)

Michael Portillo stands in the middle of a ring of fire talking of his passion for "the most provocative and ambitious work of art conceived for the stage".

He's referring to Richard Wagner's Ring cycle - which sounds like a programme on your washing machine - in the new Art That Shook The World series.

The Ring is about people who'll do anything for power and the terrible price they pay for it, he informs us.

After 25 years in politics, "I've seen it all and I understand what Wagner means". Jolly good, I thought, putting a fresh cassette in the video.

Ah, here's Dirty Dan from EastEnders playing Dirty Ray, a geezer wot's planning to steal the world's most expensive diamond from the world's most expensive white elephant, the Millennium Dome. Craig Fairbrass starred in The Great Dome Robbery, described as a factual drama - or boring, as it's known in some circles. A cracking story was rendered almost incomprehensible and not very interesting.

Let's move on to Believe Nothing. There's Rik Mayall, but no sign of Ade Edmondson, so this must be The New Statesman. The same writers, Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran, and same anything goes, politically incorrect comic approach are present too. Mayall isn't playing Alan B'Stard but Professor Adonis Cnut, a nightmare for bad typists everywhere. "Is something wrong or are you doing your Cambodian sinus exercises?" asks his long-suffering (especially when a hot iron is applied to his crotch) manservant Albumen.

Cnut cneeds cnew challenges in these globally-challenged times, such as seducing Dr Hannah Awkward, the anorexic and bolemic professor of pedantics who has "a body worthy of accommodating my tadpoles".

Cnut would have been at home in the Carrington household, fondly recalled in After Dynasty - which was like After They Were Famous and Where Are They Now all rolled into one. What joy to revisit Die Nasty's best (worst?) moments and discover the bitching wasn't confined to the script.

Joan Collins was grateful to become famous as bad girl Alexis. Being in a long-running series and a household name wasn't enough for some of her co-stars, notably Pamela Sue Martin, alias the first Fallon. "She said 'I'm going to do movies'. What movies has she been in?" queried Collins maliciously.

Others told how they couldn't make contact during kisses because of the layers of thick make-up and huge shoulder pads - and that was just the men.

There were noticeable absences from this trip down memory lane. John Forsyth, alias Blake Carrington, was 84 and had retired to his ranch. Linda (Krystal) Evans was missing too, although apparently she warns of the dangers of facelifts based on her personal experiences - which probably explains why she didn't want to be seen.