Watching and waiting

There is some justice in the world after all - Ginger Tim and sulky Alex have both been nominated for eviction in Big Brother. The drawback is that only one of them will leave the house on Friday.

A bigger punishment for inflicting themselves on viewers for six weeks would be to lock them in a room with Jade for a long time. Then both Tim and Alex would have good cause to moan.

Mention of the much-abused Ms Goody makes you wonder why she wasn't nominated if she really is that dumb and irritating, which is certainly the impression given by the carefully-edited coverage on C4?

I was determined not to get hooked on this third Big Brother. The early days, when there wasn't a mate to whom I'd willingly give house room, were easy to resist. Slowly and surely, I've been sucked in by the shifting, sometimes downright shifty, relationships within the enclosed community.

As for who wins, who cares as long as it's not the ginger whinger. Hopefully, after Friday, Tim will be Out Of The Game - which is an admittedly feeble link to the short film by instrumentalist and music producer Matt Winn.

Richard arrives in Ibiza, having fled this country on the eve of his wedding, unable to cope with the circus any more. "I got the feeling that the wedding was going to happen even if I didn't turn up," he says.

"Welcome to paradise," says friend Mike when he arrives to stay in his villa. They go clubbing, pick up two girls and return to the villa where they come to realise that, horror of horrors, they're past it.

When Rich says he's 35, one girl replies: "I think my dad is 35". A comment like that is enough to dash your hopes, although it's Mike who can't rise to the occasion in the bedroom. This isn't so much to do with the age gap as the shock of finding his young companion doesn't know who Zippy is.