THE directly-elected mayor of a remote town in Texas has been castrated in a drunken fight by an irate resident. A court heard this week that one of the mayor's testicles was found in the accused's fridge.

This case will undoubtedly cause great consternation among the North-East's directly-elected mayors - Ray Mallon, Stuart Drummond and Chris Morgan - as they celebrate their 100th day in office this weekend. Most worried of them all should be Mr Drummond in Hartlepool because he stood for election as a monkey, and the mayor so brutally assaulted is a goat.

His name is Clay Henry III and he is, quite probably, an alcoholic. He comes from a long line of drunken mayoral goats as his father and grandfather occupied the esteemed post before him. Clay Henry I was elected in 1986. His sole manifesto pledge was to drink every beer that was put before him. In the town of Lajitas - population about 200 - on the Rio Grande, that was all it took. The goat would grab a long-neck bottle of beer in his mouth, swig it down in one, toss the empty aside and demand another.

He quickly became a tourist attraction, because the Americans like nothing better than an elected drunken goat. Shockingly, Clay Henry I was killed in 1992, aged 22, by his son, Clay Henry II. "Clay Senior and Clay Junior both got soused in the same pen during rutting season," said the man who runs The Trading Post store in this one-goat town. "Clay Junior killed his father in a drunken brawl over a female."

Clay Henry II immediately took his father's office - but he couldn't compete with his old man. By mid-afternoon, he'd be down on his four knees, completely sozzled. The natives were distinctly unimpressed by a goat that could not take its beer. Clay Henry II died in 1999 and was succeeded by his son, the imaginatively-named Clay Henry III, and he was soon knocking back the long-neck beers as if there were no tomorrow.

So well did he do his mayoral duties that he was re-elected in 2000, soundly beating his opponents: a wooden model of a native American Indian and a real life dog called Clyde, who represented the Sober Party.

But then, last November, the assault took place. One Sunday morning - before the Trading Post opened - Jim Bob Hargrove was quietly sitting near the mayor's parlour having a private beer. An out-of-town visitor pulled up and asked if he might join Jim Bob in a drink. The visitor, who was trying to impress a lady friend, then handed the bottle to Clay Henry III who downed it in one.

Incensed at such a waste of beer, Jim Bob allegedly whipped out his knife and whipped off the mayor's manhood. He then took the testicle home and stored it in his fridge. The next day, his Mexican maid cleared out the fridge and threw the strange parcel in the bin. But when she heard of the dreadful attack on the mayor, she tipped off the local constable who rummaged through the bin and found the evidence which will be presented in court later this month.

Thankfully, the mayor of Lajitas has responded well to treatment and is now back drinking at every opportunity. But although the directly-elected mayor of Lajitas may be accused of drunkenly making policy on the hoof, he has yet to emulate the directly-elected president of the United States and threaten to bomb Iraq.