It's not principally about Jimmy Cain, this column, rather about him and many others of his favoured fetchings- up, but Jimmy can kick it off, anyway.

He was always a Fishburn miner, played one Football League game for Bradford Park Avenue, 30 for Hartlepools and none whatever for Manchester United, though Matt Busby and Jimmy Murphy came knocking, importantly, on the pit terrace door.

Jimmy's mother wouldn't let them in. "You need a trade," she told the lad, and it wasn't the tradesmen's entrance.

Every Saturday night, young Jimmy would be sent down the Black Lion in Sedgefield to get his grandma's beer; every Saturday night the pub dog would bite his backside.

"It never missed a week," he recalls. "I don't know what it thought was so special about me."

He always went home with the beer, nonetheless. "If I didn't I got brayed. There was only one thing worse than getting me arse bitten every Saturday night by the Black Lion dog, and that was getting brayed by me grandma."

Jimmy, 69 next, was among a fabulous first team of former footballers gathered on Wednesday for the launch of Steven Chaytor's book on post-war Football League players from the present Borough of Sedgefield - and lest that sound a mite humdrum, it's called One Dead Ref and a Box of Kippers.

There are 72 of them, from familiar names like Irving Nattrass and Eric Gates to Geoffrey Wardle, Trimdon lad, who played once for Lincoln City in 1961 and was never considered again.

Also among Wednesday's old guard was Steve's dad Kenny, said to have the look of Dennis Bergkamp when he signed for Oldham Athletic in 1954, now on his third new hip - not all at the same time, of course - and awaiting a fourth.

"Oh it's a wonderful operation," he insisted. "The only trouble is that after 12 years or so they wear out again."

There was John Tinkler, 170 appearances for Hartlepool and still lively after a night shift reflecting cats eyes; Frank Kirkup, Tudhoe Colliery lad, 1960s outside left for Workington, Carlisle and others; Mike Peacock, another Fishburn collier, who'd kept goal for Shildon and Darlington and - like everyone else there present - still remembered Shildon v Oldham, FA Cup, November 1959.

It finished 1-1, Latics' last-minute equaliser so clearly handled over the line that the lad might as well have picked up the ball and autographed it in copperplate.

The referee was Harold Hackney, from Barnsley. "I still blame him for it," said Mike, now in Northallerton.

They compared memories and medical notes, talked of the Savoy picture house in Sedgefield and of the fairground on the green, remembered when the weekly wage was £13 with a £4 bonus if victorious.

"We never got many of those at Workington," said Frank.

Like George Oughton, many of yesterday's heroes also seemed strangely small. George stood just 5ft 7in, despite a reluctant flirtation with the "George Walsh Body Bulk" plan.

Though he played four matches as an amateur for Oldham Athletic, it probably explained why he never really made the big time. He was a goalkeeper, after all.

Chiefly they were there once more to plight their troth to the beautiful game. John Pearson, one appearance for Hartlepool, now manages Ferryhill Greyhound in the Over 40s League. "If football could cook," he said, "I'd marry it."

The dead ref, since someone is bound to send their respects and ask, blew his last breath after eight minutes of the match between York City and Halifax Town in 1967-68.

After what Steve Chaytor calls "a respectful period of inaction" the game resumed, the senior linesman in the middle, some old bloke in an overcoat on the line and Ray Pennick from Ferryhill making his City debut as a 60th minute sub.

For Ray, now a teacher in Hetton-le-Hole, it was both introduction and epitaph. He never played in the Football League again.

The box of kippers was the supposed transfer fee, that plus £2 and an old caser, after a bit of Hartlepudlian howsyourfather at the Vic in Wingate. Fishy business? Another story, anyway.

Affection and autographs abounded. "I've signed five books and I never got beyond Trimdon Juniors," someone said.

John Burton, Tony Blair's constituency agent, was also there - once with Fishburn Juniors, record scorer with Stockton - "the best player never to appear in the Football League," he merrily insisted.

Primarily, however, we'd gone to see Gordon Jones, still Middlesbrough's post-war appearance record holder and good - maybe too good - for nearly 100 games with Darlington after that.

Throughout that extraordinary career he was never sent off and only twice cautioned, both for alleged offences against David Wilson of Preston. "It was a man's game in those days," said Gordon.

"You might have a bit of a clatter but afterwards you'd shake hands and have a drink together. Now you consult your lawyer."

He's semi-retired, though he owns four newsagents' shops on Teesside. Utterly amiable and actively golfing, he is also in remission for lymphatic leukaemia - a subject he never even mentioned. It's in the book.

The Jones boy lived in Sedgefield, played for Fishburn Juniors, wrote to Middlesbrough for a trial - "a bit of a joke, really" - after seeing an advert in the paper.

"I was a football fanatic, everything I did was for football, though I never understood what anyone saw in me."

He was invited to the Hutton Road training ground, an innocent abroad. "After about 15 minutes Jimmy Gordon, the assistant manager, told me to come off and have a bath.

"I thought that's me, no good, silly to have come. I was just getting ready to catch the bus back to Sedgefield when Bob Dennison, the manager, Jimmy Gordon and Harold Shepherdson walked in and asked where I lived."

They'd seen enough of his left foot to want to see his dad. Fishburn Juniors were given a set of shirts in exchange.

The young full back made his debut as a 16-year-old in the Football League Cup, played in the Football League at 17, turned down Spurs, won England youth honours, nine Under 23 caps and made 457 League appearances for the Boro, scoring just four times.

"I was the provider," he insists. "If you include assists, I probably had 200."

He never played in the old first division but briefly in the third, when Middlesbrough diced once too often and were relegated in 1966. Gordon blames Raich Carter, manager until that Spring.

"He'd been a very good player, but as a manager he was still playing 1930s football. Stan Anderson never had a chance to save us when he succeeded him."

Jones became Anderson's captain. Both left in 1973 when, still just 30, Gordon signed on a free for Darlington and later became assistant manager under Billy Horner and a charmless, carpet-selling chairman called George Tait.

It's his one regret, partly because of the kickings - "they looked out for players from higher divisions" - but principally because it was premature evacuation.

"Eric McMordie told me I was absolutely mad and with hindsight I could have played at Middlesbrough for two or three more years, maybe been in Big Jack's side when we went up to the first in 1974. I'd like to have given it a go."

Instead he retired at 33, becoming manager of renowned Northern League side Crook Town in time for an unforgettable passage to India - Billy Horner, Eric McMordie and Terry Payne all guesting - in 1976.

"We never played before less than 60,000, twice had 100,000 crowds at the Eden Gardens. It was absolutely wonderful."

Crook's tour is likely to be the subject of Steve Chaytor's next book. This one - idiosyncratic, engaging and immensely jolly - may wholeheartedly be recommended.

* One Dead Ref and a Box of Kippers by Steven Chaytor (Kipper Books, £9. 99) . Available from Ottakar's in Darlington, W H Smith's (eventually) or by ringing Steve on 01740 621737.

How often, we wondered last week, did a centre half hit a hat-trick and finish on the losing side?

Worse, as both Gordon Alcock and Brian Hunt have pointed out, the Boro didn't just lose, they were relegated as a result.

It was the night of Tuesday, May 3, 1966. "Middlesbrough flew to Cardiff and landed in the third division," wrote Ray Robertson the following morning.

Cardiff, managed by formidable former Newcastle United skipper Jimmy Scoular, also needed to win to stay up. Gordon Jones played outside left.

That Dickie Rooks, the centre half in question, twice put Boro ahead - the second a penalty - was poor comfort in a 5-3 defeat.

"They were a team that once walked with pride amongst the best in the land," added Ray.

Though they regained second division status the following season, there'd be another seven years itching before the Boro were back where they belonged.

Another book finally nears completion. Ten years after he began his exhaustive (and perhaps exhausting) researches, Jack Chapman from Hebburn is dotting the i's on his comprehensive club cricket history in the proper County of Durham.

"I've set myself a deadline of the end of November," he says, adding with a glance at the calendar that he's set himself a dozen deadlines already.

The masterwork, for Jack has both an eye for an anecdote and a feel for a phrase, is expected to be ready in time for the season.

Calendar? A handsome production called Ayresome Park Memories arrives, based on old fag cards and postcards of the Boro boys - the October 2003 pin-ups are the 1966-67 squad, including Gordon Jones, Dickie Rooks and Ferryhill lad Bill Gates, who made 233 appearances but made his millions from sports shops and now lives, beachside, in the Cayman Islands. Available, £5.99, from book shops on Teesside.

And finally...

The Northern League club for which Trevor Brooking once turned out (Backtrack, November 26) was Newcastle Blue Star.

Back to Steve Chaytor, a man of whom it is said that he looks forever as if he's just been rescued by a lifeboat.

Which Chilton-born centre forward scored 254 goals in 382 post-war League appearances for Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Southampton, Preston and Darlington?

We're back with the local lads next Tuesday.

Published: 29/11/2002