THERE'S a joke doing the rounds about Terry Venables walking into a building society, colliding with a plate glass door and knocking himself out. When he comes round he asks where he is and is told: "Don't worry, you're in the Nationwide," to which he replies: "What? Is it May already?"

Venables' fall from grace has obviously become a laughing matter. With Middlesbrough he felt survival was the best he could achieve; with Leeds he thought he could win something, but he has been left with egg on his face.

I expect he will save Leeds from Nationwide Division One, just as he did for Boro, and his next step should be to rid himself of Lee Bowyer.

Given that the scoreline was not a fair reflection of the play, it might just be coincidence that when Bowyer was banished to the bench at Bolton on Monday, Leeds won 3-0.

Danny Mills suddenly revived that almost extinct commodity among English footballers, a left foot, to score the first and all the luck continued to go Leeds' way. But if it's true that you make your own luck then Venables might come to look upon Bowyer as an unlucky charm.

Alternatively, he could decide that Bowyer is an utterly charmless thug who is clearly beyond salvation and should be banished not just to the bench but to the wastes of Siberia.

The court case in which Bowyer was involved last year has done lasting damage to Leeds, who were previously good enough to reach the last four of the Champions League then to lead the Premiership in the early part of last season.

With a little reflection you would think Bowyer might start to consider himself lucky and make some attempt to reform himself. Not a bit of it. His latest misdemeanour, stamping on a Malaga player's head, might earn him a five-match UEFA ban, but the only way that will affect Leeds is if it deters top clubs from signing him.

Perhaps he'll have to settle for the Nationwide. After all, Millwall were daft enough to sign Dennis Wise.

WHAT is the value of sport? It's a question worth asking when you see the size of some of the grants made available, not to mention the estimated cost of staging the 2012 Olympics in London.

Compared with around £5 billion for the latter, the award of £1.6m to a body called Durham Sport looks like chickenfeed.

Cynic that I am, such things tend to remind me of an old Bill Tidy cartoon featuring a load of morris dancers sitting round a table overflowing with empty beer bottles. The caption read: "Right lads what shall we do with the rest of the Arts Council grant?"

Although they have been in existence since 1999, I hadn't previously heard of Durham Sport, who apparently have an all-female management team.

Talking about their new physical activity development officer, the manager told The Northern Echo: "She has the role of making sure the strategy is implemented, as well as an active communities remit."

There were references to community initiatives, Sport Action Zones, key partners, and we were told that they have adopted a new logo.

Strangely enough, this coincides with yesterday's release of a report on sport which Tony Blair commissioned from his Performance and Innovation Unit last January. It was expected to take six months, but the extra time was so well spent they were able to tell us there is too much bureaucracy and red tape in the running of sport.

If you're not already reeling from the revelation that there are too many sports bodies, you'd better make sure you are sitting down for the next bit. Sport is good for your health.

Which is presumably where Durham Sport comes in, and I have absolutely no objection to any body which encourages people to get off their backsides and help reduce the burden on the NHS. But don't expect to impress me with gobbledegook or by producing a new logo every couple of years.

FOLLOWING my observation last week about Sheikh Mohammed criticising the lack of prizemoney at some British racecourses during his Gimcrack speech at York, I discover the words were read out on behalf of the Sheikh, who does not attend such events.

Probably just as well, as the speech apparently went down like a lead balloon, but of course there's no point shooting the messenger. York was not the place to make such comments because in comparison with some other northern racecourses, they are apparently particularly generous.