REMEMBER the last war? Afghanistan. Fought on foot and in the air in response to September 11. What did it achieve? Certainly the two-month bombardment of the caves of Tora Bora brought the deaths of the guests at a wedding. But that wasn't the war's aim.

Certainly the Taliban regime was toppled. But that wasn't the aim either. And most Afghan women still choose to wear the burkha, which became the symbol of Taliban repression.

Al Qaida? Yes, that's it. But it is generally accepted that its leader, Osama bin Laden, the man that the whole massive effort was designed to capture alive or dead, slipped away and is still directing his terrorist network.

It is also now revealed that there are "at least'' 40 al Qaida terrorists based in Britain. That's the number under surveillance by MI5. But Home Secretary David Blunkett concedes there are many more, possibly hundreds.

So the Afghanistan war was a total failure. But now we also have Iraq. That nation must be attacked, not because of terrorism, though the Government strives to make some sort of connection, but because of the weapons of mass destruction it might hold and might deploy sometime somewhere.

Let's assume the fear is well-founded. The implications of an attack to deal with it go far beyond any immediate international turmoil.

For it is a forlorn hope that a handful of superpowers can forever keep the mass destruction business to themselves. North Korea is poised to gain nuclear weapons. Algeria is a new cauldron of terrorism. Afghanistan and Iraq look like marking the start of a new world war in which the Western superpowers and their acolytes struggle to put down one dissident country or group after another. The end of the Roman Empire must have been a bit like this.

MORE tea? Just top it up please. How much would you expect to pour? Half a cup, perhaps? But usually less, surely? The Government has an expansive notion of "top-up". For university "top-up" fees will almost treble - from £1,100 to £3,000.

Of course, the fees are a betrayal of Labour values. A tax on knowledge and achievement, they are a form of barbarism. But that "top-up" term is also revealing. Presenting a large increase as a triviality, it is a calculated deceit. When Tony Blair gained power he gave a good impression of wanting to uphold what should be the first rule of government: treat the people with respect. How wrong we were.

ANOTHER example. A new NHS instruction decrees that a bed can be defined as anything that permits a patient to lie down. Specifying a couch or a trolley as a bed within this definition, the instruction will mask waiting times for a proper bed.

OK, the Government might not be to blame for this chicanery. But it could have swiftly ended the nonsense. Alan Milburn could have issued a public statement that only what everyone knows to be a bed will be called a bed. But silence. One MP has pointed out that chairs put together could be a bed. And of course there's always the floor.