What is it like when your husband is half-a-world away and under heavy fire, and you are left alone with the children.

In the first extract from her diary, mother-of-four Hayley Kimsey tells how she is coping while Russ, a corporal with the Queen's Dragoon Guards, is away from their Catterick home in Iraq.

SUNDAY, MARCH 30: A momentous day - Teya started solid food! She is now three months old, and managed to eat half a baby rusk with her milk. I wish her dad, Russ, was here to see her. He is missing out on so much.

My neighbour came over and recorded it for me, so at least we can capture these moments on video for him to see when he returns. But it is not the same and, although I was happy that she had taken her first taste of food, I was also sad, as I so wanted to share this moment with her dad.

MONDAY, MARCH 31: I called into the Welfare Office today to send a parcel to Russ. They arrange for parcels up to 2kg to be sent and also supply the Jiffy bags for us to do it.

We sent noodles, sweets, chewing gum, coffee, biscuits, cereal bars and put in a bottle of Dr Pepper as he likes that.

While we were at the office, we were told that "all our boys are fine and safe". They try to let us know most days so we can put our minds at rest for a while.

TUESDAY, APRIL 1: Parents' evening for Kiel, my five-year-old son. The teacher tells me that since his dad has been away, his work has gone downhill and he has become a bit disruptive. Kiel really misses his dad - especially because he is the only boy at home; my three other children are girls. I am not sure how I can help him.

Russ always did a lot with him and spent hours helping with his school work. He really needs some stability and his dad being away is really hitting him hard.

We had a bad day today, I really want Russ back. I hope it won't be too long.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 2: I heard on the news that they have rescued the PoW (Jessica Lynch) from the hospital in Iraq. That was fantastic news and her family must be so relieved; a real morale booster for the troops.

I still don't know what Russ is doing. I haven't heard from him for over three weeks now. I do hope he is safe and well. If only we could have a phone call, just to say he is okay.

I have had the news on most of today, which isn't really a good idea, but it is so hard not to watch it.

THURSDAY, APRIL 3: Today, my heart leapt. A Bluey (letter by air mail) came through the post.

I thought: "At last a letter". I have only had one since Russ has been gone. Unfortunately, it wasn't from Russ, but from Teya's godfather, who is also serving in the Gulf.

It was lovely to hear from him, but I so wanted it to be from Russ. He did say he saw Russ in passing about a week ago, so at least I know he was okay then.

I wait for the postman every day, just for the chance that maybe today I will hear from him.

It is so hard having no contact, I so want to talk to him and hear his voice, to know he is okay.

FRIDAY, APRIL 4: Today started really badly. Kiel wouldn't go to school and had to be peeled off me by his teachers, crying. They phoned me later to let me know that he had calmed down and was quite happy. I cried for most of the day today, feeling sorry for myself and wanting my husband back.

It started when I made two coffees this morning, out of habit I suppose, and my sub-conscious wanting him back.

Kiel was very quiet and a neighbour told me she had been speaking to him and he had told her: "My daddy is at war, fighting and is going to die".

She tried to reassure him that his daddy would be okay, but he just walked back into the house. I have tried to reassure him that daddy will be fine and be back home as soon as he can. But a week to a child is a long time - six months must feel like an eternity.

All I can do is keep reassuring him, trying not to have the news on as much and just hope that Russ can phone soon to let him know he is okay.

My neighbour Mikki, seeing I was very stressed, came over and took me to have a few rides at the local fair. A stressbuster she called it! I must admit it worked, although I did feel rather ill afterwards - the rides were stomach-turning. We treated ourselves to a Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine and had a good old chat about everything. It definitely helped cheer me up.

You certainly find out who your true friends are in situations like this. I don't think I would cope as well as I have if it wasn't for Mikki being there for all of us 24/7.

* The second extract from Hayley's diary will appear next Monday.

09/04/2003