WORRYING events in the area of Soapland known as Weatherfield as ordinary people take to the streets in an orgy of vandalism.

The guilty person is none other than Vera Duckworth, who could certainly nag for England but has never struck me as a vandal. But here she is lobbing a brick through the window of Gail the hamster's cage, sorry, house in Coronation Street (ITV1).

Who can blame her? Gail's dead serial killer husband Tricky Dicky was either murdering people or swindling them out of their life savings. Among the latter victims were the Duckworths and, when Vera finds out that the money is lost forever, a brick goes flying in the direction of the Hillman abode.

Soon weapons of not-so-mass destruction are hurtling through the window of the Duckworths' house as Gail's demonic son David chucks a retaliatory brick.

He's not the only young person in Weatherfield causing concern. Rosie, troublesome offspring of silly Sally and Kevin, has had her belly button pierced. The way her parents react you'd think she'd taken up a life of prostitution.

There is romance in the air - along with the smell of dead meat - as Fred, I say Fred, Elliott has a date with an abattoir heiress.

Matters aren't much better in Walford. Someone has vandalised Ian's chippie in EastEnders (BBC1), although even Vera wouldn't go that far surely. More likely, the culprit is bully boy Phil Mitchell as hostilities between him and Ian escalate. How long before the Americans send in the troops? Elsewhere, it's Sonia's 18th birthday and someone will want to throw a party, rather than a brick, to celebrate. Poor old Sonia can't help thinking about poor, dead Jamie who, for obvious reasons, misses the party.

Dirty Den Junior eyes up one of Walford's ladies. I'd suggest he beds them in alphabetical order to avoid getting confused. Another of the Square's eligible bachelors, nave Spencer, takes three girls to a club - which is better than getting three girls in the club but still inadvisable in his case.

Debbie, the child that Charity gave away, continues to cause emotional vandalism in Emmerdale (ITV1). Zoe's worried about Charity's treatment of her, and Cain - the father who doesn't know he's the father - is asking a lot of dangerous questions.

Diane confides about Louise's affair to flatcap Jack. At this rate everybody in the village will know, except the man's wife. Andy is rescued from a sticky situation, while Shadrach reveals that he knows a dark secret.

Animal lovers will be pleased to learn that simple Sam receives word of his tortoise from Japan. Let's hope tortoises aren't a mealtime speciality in that country.

Published: 01/05/2003