Anthony Nixon was fuming in a motorway traffic jam when the bright idea for his latest piece of furniture came to him.

He was mulling over a design for a large round table when he had the brainwave of creating a unique octagonal one instead. He had just put the finishing touches to the impressive work of art this week when I called at his showroom in Barnard Castle.

The table, in oak with maple inlay, is ideal for anyone wishing to serve dinner for eight in an extremely spacious dining room. Should 12 guests turn up sections slide in and out, and hey presto - there is ample room for the lucky dozen plus all the tools and china they need for a mighty feast.

The price? He hasn't worked it out yet, but reckons it will be about £4,500. A kitchen he has just designed won't be cheap either. The granite worktops sit on pillars of Dunhouse stone carved by Teesdale mason Peter Coverdale, and the oak units have some clever moving features. Anthony is well known for designing furniture out of the ordinary, including some shaped like parts of the human body, such as bottom drawers with bottoms and chests of drawers with chests.

A giggly grandmother in the upper dale recalls that when she was young a neighbour once staggered home singing lustily, leading her father to growl, "Thou's as drunk as Davy's pig." She asked what this meant and was told Davy owned a pig so ugly that people often called at his farm to see it. One day Davy's plump wife indulged in her habit of swigging too much gin before going to feed the porker. After opening its pen she slumped in a heap, allowing it to wander off. She was asleep on the straw, grunting and snoring gruffly, when some visitors peered in. They thought they were looking at the pig until the truth dawned. From then anybody heavily intoxicated was likened to Davy's pig. But where did the unfortunate Davy live? The granny would be glad of any details.

A clockmaking family called Humphrey, made famous by Charles Dickens, had a shop close to the scene of last week's £70,000 robbery in Barnard Castle. The author spent a few days in the town in February 1838 while gathering material for his novel Nicholas Nickleby. He was intrigued by a large clock kept by William Humphrey in the doorway of his shop at the top of The Bank. Later, he used the title Master Humphrey's Clock to cover a series of stories, as told by an old man who kept the manuscripts for them in a clock case. The family later moved to a shop in Market Place, close to the present Barclays Bank. If such a robbery had been committed there while Dickens was staying over the road at the King's Head Hotel he may well have put it in one of his books, as he was noted for adapting real people, places and incidents. He might have given the culprits the kind of colourful names he liked to invent. How about Grabber Mugshaw and Fingers Scarnose?

An amusing little history lesson was given by Paul Tucker, barrister for the Highways Agency, at this week's trunk road inquiry at the Morritt Arms Hotel. He conjured up a picture of a Roman army surveyor standing near Scotch Corner nearly 2,000 years ago and planning a route to link up with a legion on the west side of the Pennines. The result was one of the most northerly roads in the world at that time. But the Roman might have been taken aback, said the lawyer, to realise that 19 centuries later it would still be in use as a busy arterial route known as the A66.

I could be rollng in even more money as three more prize awards have arrived for me this week. One from Bedford offers £206,000 if I send £19.90. One from Street says I can have £9,000 if I part with £20, while another outfit in Street (different name and box number but probably the same crafty operators) promises a paltry £1,100 if I part with £19.95. What a nerve, trying to tempt me with such a trifling sum. I'm not accepting anything less than £100,000 these days.

* I'll be glad to see anyone who calls with snippets of news at The Northern Echo office at 36 Horsemarket, Barnard Castle, on Mondays and Tuesdays, telephone (01833) 638628.