Jungle out there

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here returns for a third series with a hotch-potch of celebs.

THE format is getting repetitive. First come weeks of speculation about who's going to be in I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here. Minor royals are mentioned, along with fading actors, actresses and pop stars seeking a reversal of fortune in their careers. This time, it was comedian Frank Carson's name that was prominent among the possibles. Thankfully, he - or the insurance company - has thought better of it and he didn't make the final schedule of names.

Then the list is announced to puzzled gasps of "Who?" as the lower echelons of the celebrity directory are trawled for those silly enough to think that public humiliation in the jungle will boost their career on a long term basis. The best they can hope for is a brief spurt of fame and then sink back into oblivion, or daytime TV as it's sometimes known.

Finally the fun and games begin, as ITV1 and ITV2 fill every waking hour with I'm A Celebrity over the next two weeks. The celebrities arrive in camp, elect a leader and the first person to undertake the Bushtucker Trials is chosen.

Once viewers have control, all hell can break lose. In the last I'm A Celebrity, they were downright sadistic by voting to ensure bug-fearing John Fashanu had to undertake creepy-crawly torture time after time. Even worse than games involving bugs would be being made to watch I'm A Celebrity runner-up Linda Barker's TV commercial hour after hour.

We all swear, as we do every time with Big Brother, that we're not interested and aren't going to watch. Of course, we do switch on as the road accident mentality takes over. Just as some can't resist the lure of gawping at the mayhem and carnage of a car smash, so viewers rather like seeing people get taken down a peg or two. If it involves creepy crawlies and getting wet, so much the better.

There's a perverse pleasure in witnessing even vaguely-famous people being showered with maggots and spiders, or having to plunge into a pool of crocodiles and leeches. That's when the personalities begin to think twice whether it's worth the money they're being paid - and, apparently, the list for next week's event was delayed over arguments over payment. Jordan is rumoured to be getting £100,000, which adds up to £50,000 for each of her assets.

By all accounts, volunteers have been harder to find this time. They must have been desperate, considering some of the names to be found on the list.

But the list does follow a pattern set by previous rumbles in the jungle - an ageing DJ, a faded pop star, a convicted criminal, a broadcaster, ex-sportsman, a model and so on. Plus, one totally unlikely person in the guise of former Sex Pistol, Johnny Rotten (alias John Lydon) who speaks for many when he calls the show "mainstream rubbish". Who'd have thought the day would come when an anarchist rocker would be setting up camp in an ITV peaktime programme?

Another of them, convicted fraudster Lord Charles Brocket, maintains he's never watched the show but thought that was "probably an advantage". Nice to know he's thoroughly researched and prepared for two weeks living rough. Lack of food, sleep and clean clothes will come as something of a shock.

You also worry whether they'll be enough room in camp for model Jordan and former member of Atomic Kitten Kerry McFadden considering their natural assets. Rumours that contestants will have to use Jordan's bras as hammocks are unfounded.

But don't tell me that the makers of the programme haven't considered the ratings-boosting potentital of either of these ample-bosomed celebrities going topless. They're as desperate for some nudity in the show as the Big Brother producers were for the first couple to bonk in the House (which contestants in the junior version kindly did).

Previous Kings of the Jungle have been DJ Tony Blackburn and cricketer Phil Tufnell. Another sportsman, ex-footballer Neil Ruddock, is joint favourite - with John Lydon - to win this latest I'm A Celebrity.

Once again, the best reason for watching this game of torment in the Australian jungle are the Tyneside presenters Ant and Dec. Without their cheerful faces and cheeky approach, the show really would be much duller.

* I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here begins on ITV1 and ITV2 from Monday at 9pm

Razor has the edge

NOW meet the contestants who will be battling it out to avoid being told they've been voted out by the public.

JORDAN

Glamour girl who's famous for two things - her breasts. She's vowed to strip off in the jungle and get an all-over tan. "I know it's going to be really hot in the jungle and I won't be conscious of getting my kit off, I'll be getting everything out, I'll be in my birthday suit," she says.

Jordan previously turned down approaches to take part in the programme because her son Harvey, now 18 months, was too young. "My mum's going to come out with me to look after him. Even a day without Harvey is hard, I miss him and I hate it, but it's going to be a challenge and I'm really looking forward to it."

JOHNNY ROTTEN

The 47-year-old former Sex Pistol now lives in Los Angeles. He reckons I'm A Celebrity is a serious challenge, on many, many levels "because I find this kind of nonsense daily in my own life and I might end up taking myself too seriously in a show like this. Certainly it has its pitfalls. It's a perfect reason to do it."

Based on past behaviour, he could cause major ructions. Unlikely to endear himself to his fellow jungle campers with his abrasive personality

NEIL RUDDOCK

Nicknamed 'Razor' Ruddock, after a Canadian heavyweight boxer with the same name, the ex-footballer admits that he's petrified of spiders and snakes but reckons that his biggest test in the jungle will be the lack of food. "I'm scared of hunger. People ask what I'm like when I'm tired and I say I'm moody. However when it comes to being hungry I don't know how I'll react, because when I'm hungry I always eat."

MIKE READ

Veteran DJ Mike Read isn't too worried about what lies ahead for him in the jungle, it's getting on the plane to get him to Oz that is making him nervous before of his fear of flying. "I haven't flown for years and I hate it. After the flying, seeing snakes and insects will be okay"

LORD CHARLES BROCKET

Charlie - as he prefers to be called - hit the headlines when he was sent to prison after being found guilty of conspiracy to defraud an insurance company. He doesn't think it's a disadvantage that he's never seen the show. "Whatever you get dished up with is just what life throws at you, you just have to deal with it the best you can," he says.

PETER ANDRE

The former pop star is looking for love in the jungle as he is currently single. "I hope I can get a girlfriend after this," he says. "I've learnt one thing, you can't look for love, if it happens it happens, you're going to click with someone or you're not."

JENNIE BOND

The BBC's recently-exited royal reporter says: "I suppose the royal family might tune in if they think there's some humiliation from me. I've never slept in the open before. I am quite game and do actually have quite an outdoors existence, especially in Devon."

ALEX BEST

As if being George Best's wife wasn't traumatic enough, Alex Best will celebrate her 32nd birthday in the jungle. "I will miss my straightening irons and I will miss my bed. I will also miss my dogs," she says. She's worried about the creepy crawlies she might encounter but even more scared about being the first person voted out.

KERRY MCFADDEN

The former Atomic Kitten, who now works as a TV presenter, is best known for her regular appearances on Loose Women, where she's not shy about voicing her opinions. Although only 23, she promises: "Depending on what the situation is in camp I might speak my mind. If someone's going to have a go at me or something I'm not going to sit there and keep my gob shut."

DIANE MODAHL

Former athlete turned press officer Diane Modahl plans to follow in the footsteps of John Fashanu by using 'focus' to get her through her jungle adventure. Diane, who was thrown out of the Olympic Games for drug taking but later cleared of any wrongdoing, says the former footballer was an inspiration to her when he overcame his fears to complete several Bushtucker Trials.

Published: 22/01/2004