TV review

Sea Of Souls (BBC1)

Bug Attack (C4)

Private Life Of A Masterpiece (BBC2)

IT'S a bit weird this," said one of the Gordons, and who would disagree as he'd just found out that his wife had an identical twin, also married to a chap called Gordon.

The trouble with Sea Of Souls was that what started out as an X-Files clone ended up as a more predictable and silly thriller involving identical twins, one good and one bad.

The admirable Bill Paterson bumbled about as the head of a parapsychological unit, although the plot was so predictable that viewers must have been several steps ahead of his investigation. He had a couple of assistants (male, female, assorted backgrounds, romance a possibility in later episodes) to explain the technicalities to viewers.

No matter how many times the director repeated a dream sequence involving red-headed twin girls watching a burning dolls' house, it didn't make it any more scary. This was the type of drama where if someone said, "Drive carefully" (they did), you knew that a terrible road accident would follow (it did).

Siobhan Redmond had a fine time playing both sisters but, quite frankly, Bug Attack was a lot of scarier as Phil de Vries unearthed the most deadly, disgusting and destructive bugs on earth.

The self-confessed bug fanatic went beyond the call of duty to test a pain index drawn up by a doctor. "Don't do this at home," he warned, as if anyone was likely to deliberately get stung by scorpions (bottom of the pain index) and harvester ants (second most painful).

Getting stung helps scientists understand why insects have stings and venom, but just seemed foolhardy after learning that a dozen stings from one of these ants can kill a four pound rat.

De Vries shared his pain as the ant struck ("it starts as a sting, then pulling and tearing and deep internal pain"). Thankfully, he drew the line at getting stung by a black widow spider (top of the pain index), whose venom is 15 times more powerful than a rattlesnake's.

I'm happy to take his word for that and look at a painting instead - Renoir's Dance At The Moulin de la Galette in Private Life Of A Masterpiece, which attempts to make art interesting for those who prefer pictures to be moving on screen rather than hanging in a gallery.

Like the twins in Sea Of Souls, there are two of these Renoirs, a full-size painting and an almost-identical half-size one. Both are dated 1876 and it's a mystery which was completed first.

The painting sold for a staggering $71m at auction in 1990. Later, the Japanese paper tycoon who bought it joked he wanted to be cremated with both the Renoir and an even more expensive Van Gogh when he died.

He later said he was joking. After his death, it was sold for the knockdown price of $50m. In a way, it might just as well have gone up in smoke as nothing's been seen of it since - the painting remains hidden away in a private collection.

Dracula Revamped!, The Castle Players, Cotherstone Village Hall

THE long, dark, windswept journey out to Cotherstone should be the ideal preparation for a tale concerning the Prince of Darkness, but Barnard Castle-based Castle Players aim for the jocular rather than the jugular on this occasion.

Carry On Screaming meets Monkey Magic might be a fair description as the ten-strong cast pull all the puns out of Bram Stoker's gothic tale and throw in a "chopping the vampire in four" trick for good measure. Hampered by the lack of atmospheric lighting, the production does score highly because the black-clad actors use physical theatre to create ships, boats, carriages, castles and trains. Diminutive dracula Andrew Stainthorpe is always game and creator/director Simon Pell ensures the performance is all the more enjoyable by making the vampire sensitive to personal criticism. Pell's script also takes risks with a reference to "saving the world from an illegal, immigrant band of vampires" and creating the all-action US hero Quincey Morris (Chris Best) who operates like George W Bush when it comes to foreign politics. Edmund Purdy adopts a dodgy Dutch accent to play crucifix-carrying Prof Van Helsing as this whimsical, family-friendly show whiles away a decent evening's entertainment.

Viv Hardwick

Other performances: Feb 13, Whorlton, Village Hall, tickets on the door; Feb 21, Butterknowle, Village Hall, (01388) 718 448; Feb 27, Barnard Castle, Witham Hall, (01833) 631 107; Feb 28, Newsham, Village Hall, (01833) 621 370

Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra, Newcastle City Hall

A CAPACITY audience at Newcastle City Hall was treated to a heavyweight performance from the Gothenburg Symphony Orchestra. The evening with Sweden's national orchestra warmed up to the strains of Stravinsky's Jeu de Cartes.

The work, conceived for a ballet portraying a card party, was painted in blooming colours. The undoubted star of the night was the violinist Nikolia Znaider, who presented a superlative rendition of Sibelius's Violin Concerto. In a virtuoso display, Znaider drew notes into gossamer wisps, lovingly nursed melodious flights and played a scorching cadenza. And all the while, the orchestra struck a perfect balance, bolstering, but never overpowering, his efforts.

The knockout blow was delivered with Tchaikovsky's heart-wrenching final symphony. Symphony 6, otherwise known as the Pathetique, sweeps through the whole range of life's emotions and the orchestra executed it with breathtaking passion.

At one stage the music seemed to well up from the depths of oblivion, crying out in anguish, before subsiding in one last exquisitely drawn out breath. Grown men had tears in their eyes. The overwhelmed audience did not have to wait long for an encore. A brief interlude from Stenhammer's cantata Sangen provided the fresh air everyone needed before leaving. A remarkable evening.

Gavin Engelbrecht