Faking It (C4)

MOST people's first impression of Malcolm Woodcock is he's a "weirdo freak". Something to do with all the metal piercings, eyeliner, black nail polish, jewellery and grungy look.

The 30-year-old cycle courier was an ideal candidate for the series that attempts to pass off somebody totally unsuitable in an occupation or sport. He was the last person you'd imagine turning into a polo player and participating in the game of kings. Talking of royalty, the makers managed to get him and Prince Harry in the same shot at a polo match, although the two never actually met on horseback.

University dropout Woodcock was trained by Claire Tomlinson, the world's top female polo player, and coach-player Casper West. As the closest he'd ever been to a horse in his life was his ponytail, they really had their work cut out making him proficient enough to play a game described as "chess at 30mph".

It may look easy to ride around on a horse hitting a ball with a big stick but, as Woodcock discovered, it isn't. His confidence evaporated once he mounted the horse, after removing his many studs and pins for safety reasons. As he put it: "I'm bricking it". No amount of four-letter words could disguise the fact that he looked like an amateur.

Playing polo on a galloping horse proved easier than the make-over to change his image from rock grunge to polo chic. The pink shirt, in particular, offended him, but you had to admit that with his new haircut and clothes he did look the part.

He continued to be less convincing in the saddle, although he reckoned the secret was "just to look good, you don't have to know what you're doing".

What wasn't a good idea was partying the night away with some of the grooms on the eve of his first big match. A terrible hangover and torrential rain turned his game into a farce. The good thing was, as his trainers said, this disaster provided the wake-up call he needed.

This provided the programme-makers with the tension they needed, as we wondered if Woodcock could overcome apparently insurmountable difficulties to succeed in the final test when he was judged against three other players. Then the three judges were invited to spot the impostor. The fact that all three were fooled gave Faking It the feelgood ending that we - and even an initially sceptical Woodcock by now - were hoping for.

Trap For A Lonely Man, Forum Theatre, Billingham

A FAST-paced thriller with a superbly entertaining twist and an excellent cast is brought to the Forum Theatre by Ian Dickens Productions this week.

Set in a remote holiday chalet in the French mountains, it has a recently married man explaining to the local police inspector how his wife stormed out ten days ago after an argument. He is frantic with worry until a priest arrives with news that he's found the missing woman safe and well. However, this turns out to be not quite the wonderful news we imagined.

As the mysterious plot slowly unravels it becomes increasingly clear that nothing, and no one, is really as they seem.

Can it be a lovers' tiff or a sinister conspiracy? Is he a kindly priest or a devious criminal mastermind? Why does the police inspector keep believing the incredible stories?

Peter Amory plays the confused, at times quite manic, husband. There were a few first night script stumbles but it was a very entertaining performance.

Geoffrey Davies is perfect as the patient, determined police inspector, whose incredulity becomes infectious and amusing as the bizarre behaviour of the rest of the characters develops.

Sally Ann Matthews is the chirpy, butter-wouldn't-melt wife, whose sidelong glances to the priest (Christopher Hackett) make you think twice. And the two witnesses, Michael Tudor Barnes (the tramp) and Katie Evans (the nurse), bring plenty of light-hearted relief to the tension.

The set is beautiful - an idyllic oak-beamed mountain retreat, the romantic nature of which makes the suspicious goings on even more sinister and surprising. A very gripping and entertaining play.

Michelle Hedger

l Runs until tomorrow. Box Office: (01642) 552663

Time & The Conways, Newcastle Theatre Royal

ONE of JB Priestley's best-known works, but one that I hadn't seen before, this is based on a parallel universe theory that must have seemed very innovative in 1937 when it was first performed.

World War I has just come to an end, and the Conway family is celebrating Kay's 21st birthday. To add to the fun and happiness that surrounds them, favourite son Robin returns from the war that same evening, and matriarch Mrs Conway revels in having her children around her again.

The Conways are prosperous, thanks to the legacy left by Mrs Conway's husband, who was drowned several years before. The children are intelligent and attractive, and their mother has every reason to be proud of them. They each have ambitions for fame and fortune, except plodding, reliable Alan, the elder son. During the evening Kay slips away to be alone and experiences a glimpse into a future which none of them could have envisaged.

The plot is a bit creaky, but it's an enjoyable evening because the cast is so good. Penelope Keith as Mrs Conway is still upper middle class but forget about Margo Leadbetter - this lady is totally different. In the company of such a well-known and experienced performer, the younger cast members acquit themselves very well indeed, particularly Naomi Benson, undertaking her first professional engagement as rabid socialist Madge.

The set design is very clever and effective as is the lighting, especially at the moment when Kay begins her vision of the future.

Sue Heath

l Runs until Saturday. Box Office: 0870 905 5060

Published: ??/??/2003