AH, the joys of the open road. Margaret Cave's recent recommendation to expect the unexpected when driving reminded one of Spectator's colleagues of the advice given to him by the driving instructor who got him through his test at the third attempt.

The instructor was a tough, straight-talking chip off the old block who didn't suffer fools gladly, especially those who repeatedly stalled the car by lifting the foot off the clutch while in first gear at red traffic lights.

But there was a heart of gold under that formidable exterior. When the time finally came for Spectator's colleague to remove those L plates he was shaken warmly by the hand, wished all the luck in the world with his newly acquired freedom and told: ''Remember every other ****** on the road is a ****** idiot.''

A sweeping generalisation, perhaps, but the underlying principle was understood, has never been forgotten and has held good for Spectator's colleague in some extreme cases of other drivers' behaviour. Busy roundabouts, tricky T- junctions and, yes, motorways come to mind.

Caption teaser

READERS enjoyed rising to the challenge of Spectator's caption competition last week.

Among the better entries were Chris Shaw of Burrill, Bedale, who suggested "William Hague: 'I'll soon get this party going'; Ffion: 'We'll just remember the last time you tried that dear.'"

George Hayes of Richmond came up with: "William Hague: 'With this disguise. I could once again become Leader.'"

But the winner is Gloria Rawle of East Cowton who speculated that Mr Hague was saying: "You promised me I could wear the pretty mask!" The bottle of champagne is on its way and thanks to all who entered.

Spot the difference

THE similarity between North Yorkshire County Council's high-profile cabinet member Carl Les and the late lead singer with the Seventies glam-rock band Mud had not previously struck Spectator.

At least not until Tyne-Tees Television's caption-writer inexplicably labeled Coun Les "Les Grey" when running an item on Monday's North-East Tonight about serving buffalo burgers in North Yorkshire schools. We're not sure what was running through the TV technician's mind but the the two gentleman are pictured below. Make up your own mind.