HE'S the chef who's given the F-word a bad name, but 37-year-old Gordon Ramsay swept into Ambleside this week and shattered all illusions about the Lake District's Glass House restaurant.

Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares (C4, Tuesday) featured the swearing superchef doing a real service for the customer by pointing out the many faults at the beautifully-sited building.

Some were obvious. Like Ramsay, the lack of sign-posting made my wife and I think it was some kind of curious museum when we visited the small town a couple of years ago.

But carelessly prepared meals, ingredients left sweating in open-topped plastic containers and sauces made with a mixer kept on a grubby floor are all of the things you fear are going on behind the scenes of a posh nosh provider.

I'm glad we opted to eat elsewhere as our foul-mouthed presenter feasted on head chef Richard's lack of kitchen skills and his £25,000 annual salary.

The food was fair comment, but as you'd probably have to add a nought to get anywhere near Mr R's salary for the series I feel it's unfair of him to posture about people's earnings. Apparently, besides threatening to fight the restaurant owner Neil Farrell, the craggy-faced Scot is quite a hit with some female viewers.

"He's a chauvinist pig who has a separate kitchen of his own at home because he doesn't want his wife using it," said my female counterpart.

"But I thought women liked the idea of a dominant male?" I replied.

"Well I'm not in any danger in your case," she replied so cheekily I almost threw down my washing-up tea towel in disgust.

More appealing was watching New Tricks (BBC1, Thursday) where the six-parter has really brought the best out of old stagers Alun Armstrong, James Bolam and Dennis Waterman with fine support from Amanda Redman and Chike Okonkwo.

Messers A, B and W have been skillfully cast for maximum comedy. Facing an aptitude test, worrier Lane (Armstrong) spends ages thinking about the answers "they" really want, Standing (Waterman) is gloomy over going from sex-god to granddad and Halford (Bolam) ticks off answers in any old fashion because he wants to go to the pub.

"I think it's hysterical, especially when James Bolam could only manage one row on the rowing machine and Alun Armstrong went flying off the end of the treadmill," said my wife, who regularly tests her mettle against the North-East's finest gym equipment.

Alas, there was a complaint from her regarding Brassed Off Britain (Tues/Thurs, BBC1) and especially presenter Matt Allwright.

As he got the phone-in lines humming about wily estate agents my other half was truly riled and said: "Why the hell is he wearing a T-shirt with a suit?, you can see they don't go together."

Whatever he said after that, Mr A's sartorial choice was under more scrutiny than the money-grabbing monsters he exposed to the nation.

So far, house sellers, banks, car showrooms and junk mail are on the menu. Thanks to Mr Ramsay, swearing chefs who give you stomach-ache may be next.

Published: 08/05/2004