The Bill (ITV1): WE expected so much of Kerry, but it wasn't to be. Last night, Kerry was laid to rest. Not the would-be President but PC Kerry Young, the Sun Hill copper killed by a sniper's bullet.

She was the one with the squiffy lips whose dedication to duty extended to sleeping with most of the station, making exceptions only for women and sniffer dogs, and then moving on the local criminal fraternity.

Her funeral was marred by PC ("I'm no angel") Gabriel Kent, "throwing a Gwyneth" during his reading in memory of the dead policewoman. His sobbing and upset was understandable - he shot her, unaware that she was carrying his child.

Kerry had been undercover, literally, with one of the brothers in Sun Hill's notorious Radford gang in a bid to bring the family to book. He wasn't at the funeral as he was standing trial in Albert Square because, rather confusingly, the same actor is playing both David Radford and Little Mo's attacker Graham.

It seems to be a rule that newcomers to The Bill must have at least one previous conviction for appearing in a soap. Gabriel - or rather, Todd Carty, who plays him - used to have Pauline Fowler as a mother when he was Mark Fowler. No wonder he's gone off the rails.

Kerry had to go because she knew too much. For it's another rule that all the Sun Hill officers must have a guilty secret. PC Andrea Dunbar is an undercover reporter and sleeping with the boss. Jim Carver has a gambling addiction. His wife June slept with Gabriel, whom she thought was the son she gave away as a teenager but turned out to be the son of the people who'd adopted her unwanted infant.

Meanwhile, DCI Jack Meadows is following up an affair with a prostitute by snogging DS Debbie McAllister, who has a child by the previous station boss (the one who raped her and shot himself).

It's a wonder, quite frankly, that any crimes get solved considering the hotbed of lust, passion and corruption that passes for Sun Hill nick.

The newest copper has emerged as homophobic so, in true Wife Swap tradition, he's been paired with a PC who is both black and gay.

June, unaware of Jim's gambling debts and the fact that he's used her house as collateral, announces her intention of retiring. "I want to enjoy what we've got together," she told him. Little does she know that they have very little together as their joint account is empty as a result of his betting habit.

We left PC Dale Smith, "Smiffy" to his friends, trying to throttle Gabriel for hijacking the funeral with all his blubbering. But even Smiffy was forced to stop when a smug Gabriel announced Kerry was expecting his child. What you might call a pregnant pause.

Published: 05/11/2004