From the same school of journalism as "Small earthquake, not many dead", it is possible to report that no bombs fell on Didcot. It says as much in one of the town's histories.

Nothing much else happened, either, though one of the Gunpowder Plotters had a mortgage on the manor - "a slight connection," concedes the history - and during the Civil War, the Earl of Essex's men camped nearby on the way to sort out Abingdon, perhaps popping into Didcot for piety and a pint.

"The next 200 years were largely uneventful," adds the broad brush history, and might be pushed to add much gloss in the two centuries thereafter. Another history is forgettably entitled The Long Years of Obscurity.

"Perhaps the best thing to do in Didcot is catch a train to London, Oxford or anywhere else that takes your fancy," says a BBC website.

"Nothing at all" - or words to that sanitized effect - says Didcot Town FC secretary Simon Kelly, asked for what or for whom the old place might be famous.

So on Saturday they played Jarrow Roofing in the semi-final, first leg, of the FA Vase. Nothing much happened....

Didcot's in south Oxfordshire, a town best known for its two coal fired power stations, imaginatively called Didcot A and Didcot B, and for its railway station, built by Isambard Kingdom B.

It was once a four star army base, too, so that some call the football team The Railwaymen and others The Gunners and the club scarves embrace both. They could hardly call them the DTs.

Mostly, however, they're the Railwaymen, prompting wistful looks from FA Vase committee vice-chairman Mike Armitage, who is also Shildon's long serving secretary.

Shildon are The Railwaymen, too, though persistently stopped several stations short of the semi-final.

There, too, was Ken Shaw from Sunderland, who not only watches matches all over Europe but insists upon an Italian meal before each encounter. Since Didcot had nothing to offer he hailed a taxi to Abindon and back, his rucksack bulging with that week's copies of the French, Italian and Spanish sporting press.

"I like to keep up to date," he said, and loses little in the translation.

Didcot play in the Hellenic League, formed in 1953 with the intention of calling it the Coronation League but inexplicably deemed inappropriate. Instead it joined that great Parthenon of southern amateur leagues - the Delphinian, the Athenian, the Corinthian and the Isthmian - with its roots in ancient Greece.

The team had been going well, just four defeats all season and favourites for the league title. Roofing, conversely, were fourth bottom of the Albany Northern League, though their Vase form belied their standing.

"A bewildering tale of inconsistency," said the Didcot Herald," not unreasonably, while also reporting that the world Pooh sticks championships had recently been held nearby, attracting 700 entrants and won - inevitably, inscrutably - by the Japanese.

What the Herald didn't say was that the organiser used to be master of a 150,000 ton oil tanker. Pooh sticks is probably what's called downsizing.

The day was lovely, the ground handsome, the relaxed record crowd over 1500. Town moved to Loop Meadow five years ago, the previous place thought a pretty shabby football ground but perfect for a supermarket. Sainsbury's gave them £1.2m for it, and probably a canny few loyalty points as well.

Wherever you go, the cooling towers form a backdrop, the smoke going up the chimney just the same.

In the first half an elderly steam engine chuffered gently behind the bottom goal, probably the only incident of note. Not much power play, as probably they say in Didcot.

At the start of the second, Roofing centre half Andy Davies apparently hit the bar, but the column was still having a pee out the back.

It wouldn't happen to a proper sports journalist.

On the hour, Didcot deservedly went ahead, club captain Jamie Heapy picking his spot, low from the edge of the area, prompting several excited supporters to throw their Mexican hats into the air. (Mexican hats were appropriate; you could have roasted an ox in Oxon.)

They might have had more save for a staring, glaring miss as the referee prepared to whet his final whistle, but the Roofers kept the lid on it.

Though afterwards disappointed that they hadn't played terribly well, they hope to turn things around in the second leg on Saturday - when Bedlington Terriers are also at home, to Sudbury.

The dream of an all-Albany Northern League final lives on. Like them, we shall try to make bricks without straw once again.

Closer to home, Peter Murphy in Evenwood rings to query Julio Arca's booking in Sunderland's win over Coventry City on Saturday. The Echo listed the offence as "simulation"; what, asks Peter, is he pretending to be.

"Simulation" is now the posh term for diving. "Arca went down in the penalty box like a sack of taties," says our man at the Stadium of Enlightenment. "Artistic impression, nil."

The Feversham, the column's favourite cricket league, reports yet another membership increase, up 50 per cent in two years. Now they have six.

Wombleton, free, are the latest to return. "Whilst it would be an exaggeration to say we were euphoric, it is nevertheless good news," says press officer Charles Allenby.

The others looking forward to Spring in that part of North Yorkshire are Gillamoor, High Farndale, Harome, Spout House - hill one-in-four, and beware William Ainslie's clothes rope - and Slingsby, who returned last year. Before foot and mouth, there were nine.

Already invited to make our annual appearance, we look forward to it immensely.

Still with cricket, Durham County scorer Brian Hunt seeks information on the whereabouts of Alan Barker, born in 1923 and a county man when with Stockton after the war. He'd also welcome word on R W Wheatley, a teacher last heard of in the Hart Village area, outside Hartlepool.

More positively, he's now traced Harry Thompson from Norton-on-Tees, the search prompting a Stockton reader to recall that Thompson worked in Head Wrightson's forge in Stockton alongside Alan Townsend, who also went on to play county cricket.

Next door in the fitting shop was Dick Spooner, another Stockton lad, who'd had several years behind the stumps for Durham before making his Warwickshire debut at 28 - the first first-class match he'd ever seen.

Spooner subsequently made seven England appearances - kept most of the time at arm's length by a feller called Godfrey Evans.

...and finally

Friday's question fooled everyone except Ian Andrew in Lanchester - the six Scottish League teams whose grounds are south of Berwick-uoon-Tweed are Stranraer, Queen of the South, Gretna, Ayr, Kilmarnock and - wait for it - Berwick Rangers, who play in Tweedmouth.

The question which stumped everyone at Didcot on Saturday was the identity of the first North-East team to reach the FA Cup quarter-finals.

Empowered, the column returns on Friday.

Published: 22/03/2005