Dick And Dom's Ask The Family (BBC2); Ask The Family (BBC2); Selling Houses (C4): AS far as I know, presenter Robert Robinson didn't have his thigh stroked by a mother and the children weren't called "silly ass" and made to wear a donkey mask.

Such things would have been unthinkable 30 years ago in Ask The Family, that respectably middle class programme where teams of family members were quizzed by headmasterish Robinson.

Enlisting madcap Saturday morning children's show presenters Richard McCourt and Dominic Wood to front an updated version of the old show must have seemed like a good idea. Early results indicate that it was a bad idea.

Much as I admire their weekend TV antics, Dick and Dom's move from Da Bungalow to Da Family leaves them stranded in no viewer's land, between children's and adults' TV. It's like getting Basil Brush to host Mastermind (although, on reflection, that might be more interesting than John Humphrys doing it).

The BBC is helpfully screening old editions of Ask The Family so you can compare and contrast with the more colourful Dick and Dom version. Robinson was insufferable and patronising as the original presenter. "Do not buzz before I've finished or I will penalise you," he warned contestants. "Well done, lad," he told a child who'd successfully answered a question.

Dick and Dom encourage families to participate more. Mother Ali took this as permission to run amok. She was a fan of Dom (you could tell by the way she stroked his thigh) and chased him around the studio. "I think we have a mad one here," he observed. Midwife Ali confirmed this by revealing that after delivering team-mate William's babies, she slept with him. "In a mutual friendship way," added Dom to avoid confusion (and divorce).

The questions retain the sound and picture rounds from the original but are much simpler. Nothing like the "which is the greater and by how much: half of a half all squared or half of the square of a half?" asked by Robinson. Dick and Dom have two glamorous assistants. "Ladies, whip it off," they instructed when the women entered with a board covered with a cloth.

The dads had to remember items on a tray carried by the women, who did their best to distract them by jiggling around as they tried to memorise the items. "Don't dribble," instructed Dick, or it may have been Dom. "Otherwise we'll have a dribbly Ed and a dribbly Willie".

I can just hear Robert Robinson tut-tutting at such comments. Or echoing estate agent Andrew Winter's cry of "This is horrible." He was summing up his feelings about Mark and Lorraine's semi in Hastings. Despite 54 viewings, they'd had no offers. You could see why, even if they couldn't. Mark is a farmer with 400 sheep, horses and dogs. These were kept elsewhere, although the appearance of the house suggested otherwise.

Published: 08/04/2005