Bad Girls (ITV1); Life Isn't All Ha Ha Hee Hee (BBC1); Deep Jungle (ITV1)

'SHE might be a slut but she's a psycho slut". Where else could we be but Larkhall, the women's prison in Bad Girls?. They're a tough bunch and it's good to see them back inside, although scheduling Bad Girls and Footballers' Wives, those twin temples of trash, in the same week probably constitutes a health risk.

Gay governor Neil is in charge now that the previous one has been promoted. She was a lady with a penchant for male warders and sado-masochistic sex, so finding her a new position wasn't difficult.

Poor Jim Fenner, the screw who takes his job title very seriously, is banged up in a men's prison where the other inmates welcome him in a traditional ceremony involving the handle of a mop.

Beverly, one half of the Costa Cons, gets a make-over that turns her into the spitting image of Amanda Barrie. First, she must endure comments about looking like the hedge through which several people have been pulled backwards. "Could make a handbag out of your skin," suggested one of the two Julies (inmates in Larkhall, you note, come in pairs).

An exceptionally busy Tuesday night on TV leaves no space to pursue the activities of the psycho slut as I hastily move on to the TV adaptation of Meera Syal's novel Life Isn't All About A Very Silly Title. The opening episode was jolly enough, encompassing a wedding and various betrayals among three Asian woman, best friends since childhood and still hanging out together on special occasions.

I wasn't entirely convinced that Tania (Laila Rouass, alias Amber from Footballers' Wives) would have so easily betrayed her friend by secretly filming her confessing to an abortion for her all-important TV documentary. And making Tania a former secret - my, my, they have a lot of those - lover of friend Chila's new husband seemed contrived too.

But there are many funny lines ("I found my first grey pubic hair today - I don't know whether to dye it, pluck it or wear a wig down there") and good performances, including Syal herself as an unhappy, self-harming mother.

Considerably more dangerous than Chigwell, the setting for Life Isn't All Etc, is the jungle. "A place of mystery and danger", according to the opening remarks on Deep Jungle, "and home of half of all life on Earth". And an increasing number of wildlife camera crews they could add.

ITV ventures into David Attenborough territory with spectacular results. The photography is breathtaking, whether focusing on a moth with 12in long tongue or a bird moonwalking like Michael Jackson.

The new generation of jungle explorers show us things we haven't seen before thanks to the latest technology. Infra red cameras were able to capture a Sumatran tiger on film for the first time.

The only niggle is the programme's insistence on jumping back and forth between half a dozen items continually over the hour. I'd have been less irritated if they'd stuck with one from start to finish before moving on to the next.

Going Dutch, Durham Gala Theatre

A WELCOME return of the Hull Truck Theatre Company with a new comedy from prolific writer John Godber.

Married for 25 years, Mark and Sally often pop over to Amsterdam on the ferry, and for Mark's 50th they decide to combine the boat trip with a concert featuring The Boss, Bruce Springsteen. They invite old college friend Gill to join them, as over the years her tempestuous life has reinforced their contentment with their own lot, a comfortable living, nice house, three kids and a rock-solid marriage - or is it?

Gill's arrival with new beau Karl puts Mark's back up - even Sally is aware that he has fancied Gill for years. Karl is crude, foul-mouthed and aggressive, or macho, funny and sexy depending on your point of view.

As the overnight crossing progresses, the steamy goings-on in the adjoining cabin combined with the approaching landmark birthday makes Mark question his cosy existence, with exasperated wife Sally doing her best to keep everyone happy.

With actors of this calibre the performance is an enjoyable one, and the dialogue is amusing without being hilarious. Karl's frequent use of the F-word had the ladies in the audience tittering uncertainly, and there was a sharp intake of breath when he clutched his crotch and complained about his overused tackle. Rob Hudson has the Chav culture to a T, and Jackie Lye as sexy-but-vulnerable Gill thinks she's found true love.

But lovely Gemma Craven as Sally and likeable James Hornsby as Mark keep the audience on an even keel.

Until Saturday. Box Office 0191-383 1000

Sue Heath

Published: ??/??/2004