THE world would surely be a better place if Douglas Hall were a mansion on the Isle of Man, rather than the misguided offspring of a multi-millionaire.

It strikes me that the son of Sir John Hall isn't fit to lace Craig Bellamy's boots, never mind air his unflattering opinions on Sir Bobby Robson.

Douglas is the sort of man guaranteed to make a small fortune out of the large one handed to him by his father. If he boasts any personal achievements I am blissfully unaware of them.

On the subject of Sir Bobby, Hall told the Sunday Mirror: "We had to get rid of him. He would have got us relegated. There's nothing more certain."

Much as I admire Robson, anyone with an ounce of sense could see he should have been politely offered a different role 18 months earlier. Instead his sacking was appallingly handled, creating acrimony which is obviously still simmering.

Douglas Hall still makes money out of being on the Newcastle United board, although quite what he does to deserve it remains a mystery.

It seemed odd that fans should travel all the way to Holland last week to chant: "Sack the board," although it obviously had an immediate impact as the team turned their UEFA Cup tie around. Then came the stuff of dreams as they evicted Chelsea from the FA Cup.

While maintaining the usual line of taking each match as it comes, Graeme Souness and Alan Shearer must already be relishing the prospect of a semi-final victory over Blackburn. I can't see them beating Manchester United at Cardiff, but I hope they do, partly for Shearer's sake and partly for Sir Bobby, who achieved a great deal for the club before his judgement became clouded by advancing years.

The only downside of winning the Cup would be that Douglas Hall would bask in the reflected glory.

APART from almost grounding Newcastle Falcons, part of the debris the Halls left behind when they jettisoned the Newcastle Sporting Club was the ice hockey team which had previously existed as the hugely successful and popular Durham Wasps.

Since the Halls uprooted them they have struggled along in various guises at Gateshead Arena, including the Cobras, Riverkings, Jesters and now the Vipers, who have recently been taken over by former Wasp Paddy O'Connor with debts of £175,000.

At the first home match following his takeover, O'Connor apparently received a rapturous reception, which suggests much of the old fan base is still intact. How they must wish they had never heard of the Halls.

WHEN David Coleman went berserk as David Hemery won his 400 metres hurdles gold medal at the 1968 Olympics he managed to name the runner-up then tailed off with: "Who cares who's third?"

It was, in fact, John Sherwood of Leeds running the race of his life and his wife, Sheila, won a long jump silver at the same games.

Their son is the David Sherwood who was a shock selection this week for the Davis Cup team to play Israel.

Now 24, he has apparently been a bit of a rebel, being thrown out of a Lawn Tennis Association squad for abusing a coach.

His commitment and general attitude were also questioned, but he claims the punishment gave him the jolt he needed, while using his father as his fitness coach has helped to propel him from outside the world's top 500 to 275th.

He is apparently better at doubles, which is probably just as well because the Israelis are probably asking: "Who cares who's 275th?"

AS the ancient pastime of tabogganing undergoes a revival this week - sledging is what Australian cricketers do - it adds to the debate about what constitutes a sport.

Although I saw it described as a sport, newspapers thankfully did not choose to report what ought to be the final Waterloo Cup on their sports pages. Yet in so far as the dogs involved in the hare coursing are competing against each other, with prizes at stake, it is more of a sport than a woman sailing single-handedly around the world purely to beat a record.

There again, it could be argued that the racing element is all that matters.

So those who want to see dogs running against each other should go to a greyhound track and leave the real, live hares to grace our countryside.

A TALL, willowy blond golfer made her debut on the Ladies' European Tour in Queensland yesterday under the name of Mianne Bagger. She began life in Denmark as Michael and got down to four handicap before having a sex change ten years ago, aged 28.

Michael was obviously never going to be good enough to be a professional, but Mianne is.

It's to be hoped she doesn't prove very successful, otherwise there could be a stampede of low-handicap males applying for a switch of gender. It's almost as unthinkable as christening your son Cruz.

Published: 25/02/2005