TV continues to struggle into the sunlight thanks to Coronation Street's Debra Stephenson announcing on Test The Nation (BBC1, Saturday) that her favourite celebrity was Marilyn Monroe when she "sang Happy Birthday Mr President to KFC".

"You've made my day," giggled host Phillip Schofield in an attempt to end the stunned silence.

My own dip into the sub-culture of mind-numbing moments was to be persuaded into investing £3 in the office sweep on the outcome of Big Brother (C4, nauseam with plenty of add). I drew Craig, the whingeing hairdresser, who has immediately been nominated for eviction.

"And don't think that gives you the slightest excuse to watch any of Big Brother on our television," said my wife, who then made the grave mistake of viewing a preview tape of Nice House, Shame About The Garden (five, yesterday).

To describe this programme as the worst make-over moments ever recorded probably offends a few promising candidates on UKTV, but my other half set about nailing this one like Tommy Walsh with ten minutes to finish the decking.

"Excuse me, but what the hell does a Page 3 girl know about gardening?" she observed as a blonde introduced as glamour model Aussie Emma started posing around with power tools.

"This is atrocious and who is that irritating man doing the voice-over (Ed Hall). Even Ben Fogle hosting Cash In The Attic is better than this," observed Mrs Nailgunner.

Zimbabwean designer Robbie Honey attempted to add the Colin and Justin campness of never getting his hands dirty while builder Gavin Ellison's hands-on method of teaching Emma the trade struggled to raise a smile.

"Oh go and have a cigarette," advised rock-brained Robbie after Emma complained of being too stressed when setting out plants.

The high point of the show was BBC1's Groundforce delaying this five-day garden transformation by nicking a lorry-load of decking, timber, shingle and fake railway sleeper paving etc. Well, how was anyone to know the difference?

Although someone should tell Shine Production, the makers of Nice House, that Groundforce has finally wilted after more than ten years of garden glory. "I shall vomit if you make me watch episode two," said Mrs N.

Better late (it started at 10.40pm) than never was Hidden Talent (BBC1, Wednesday) when the new face of the Holiday programme, Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, spent three weeks creating Mother And Baby works with HMP Stafford inmates.

They thought he was going to be a posturing, dishonest poof and he was more worried about having failed to create a masterpiece in the past 20 years. The prisoners turned out to be promising artists and the subject matter unleashed strong emotions in men deprived of family contact.

Mr LL-B probably spent too long advising the seven prisoners instead of concentrating on his own Madonna And Child oil painting which was beautifully drawn but, amazingly, lacked a clear idea of colour background and presentation.

But if we are to suffer reality TV writ large, I'd rather spend more time in prison watching art than burying good projects in the back garden.

Published: 04/06/2005