When I was young I always swore I'd never, ever start a sentence with "In my young days. . .". I couldn't imagine myself ever becoming the sort of person who would think like that. Well, I was wrong.

There's a London bus that goes all the way from just outside our son's house to the zoo. We've made use of it a good deal in the past three years, since our first grandson was born. We got on it once again a short time ago.

It wasn't crowded at first, so we each had a seat. Senior grandson likes the high, sideways-facing seats near the door, and he had one all to himself.

Then more people got on; all the spare places were taken. The grandson was moved to my knee. Last time this happened he'd exhausted us all by whingeing for the entire journey about how he wanted his own seat.

This time, although he was sorry to move, he was soon distracted by what he could see from the window.

His dad stood up and offered his own seat to a young mother. The next thing we knew her little girl - about seven, I'd guess - had taken the seat.

There wasn't a word of protest from the mother, who continued to stand.

Of course, it's possible the mother ppreferred to stand. Or the child may have been feeling unwell. But I rather doubt it.

What I'm quite sure about is that this would never have happened when I was the age of that little girl.

In my young days (here we go! ), a child was always expected to give up a seat when an adult - any adult - was standing. The elderly were especially entitled to such consideration. (Not that I enjoy it much if I do get offered a seat on a bus - I like to think I don't look old enough to qualify).

It's not that I believe in a golden age when I was young and there was nothing wrong with the world. There were many things that were bad about those days, things that needed to change. Treating children without any sort of respect - as sometimes happened then - was definitely wrong.

But you can take things too far, and I think giving children superior rights to seats on buses is a case in point. What worries me is the message it gives the child, especially if, meanwhile, the mother is left standing. "You come first, always, " it says.

"You're the centre of the universe. Go on, insist on your rights!"

Then, when that child grows up into a selfish, demanding young person, everyone expresses surprise. But if the child's parents have never taught her to have any consideration for others, what can they expect?

It seems to me that many parents are afraid to risk upsetting their children. All right, it is embarrassing when you have to deal with a tantrum (or relentless whingeing) because of something you've asked the child to do.

But if you don't face up to it, then the child will never learn that there are limits to what each of us can or ought to do, that other people have feelings and needs as well as herself.

And without that, then there truly is 'no such thing as society'. It's the law of the jungle, everyone for themself. The end result would certainly be a worse place than the world I remember from my young days.

Just so long as I don't have to do it myself.

Published: 09/06/2005