Carmel cream off the honours LAST year they had Dame Tanni Grey- Thompson to do the honours, accompanied by a two-year-old daughter who by every account regarded mum as a particularly user-friendly sort of climbing frame.

This year it was to have been Chris Cook,the double Commonwealth Games swimming gold medallist from South Tyneside,had he not been summoned to a last- minute training camp.

Chris is 28,handsome, athletic,not an ounce of spare flesh.When the column stood in at the sports awards at Carmel RC College in Darlington on Tuesday evening, it thus seemed necessary to explain that he had been replaced by someone with the hand-to-eye co-ordination of an earthworm.

Some you win?"At least the English department 's pleased you 're here,"said Derek Coates, a PE teacher.

They 'd streamlined things, they said,this year 's glad- handing only lasting an exhausting hour and a half, trophies forever appearing as if magically from some EPNS porridge pot.

That each successful student had then to be photographed with the principal,perhaps principal 's,guest simply offered an opportunity for RC parents throughout south Durham to rehearse the old joke about it keeping the bairns away from the fire.

As befits any good Catholic occasion,there was a raffle,too.

Mo Regan,the vice-principal, had found somewhere the aphorism about gold medals being fine but that if you were worth nothing without one,you were worth nothing with one.

Clearly the college practised what it preached:there were awards for the loyal,and the supportive,too.

Fr John Caden,84 and indomitable,was also present in the hall named after him.

Still a co-pastor in Sedgefield - "It means I 'm a young curate,"

he said -he is remembered as Tony Blair 's tennis partner but had also played doubles against Simon Hannaford,the college 's curriculum leader for physical education.

"They beat us out of sight,"

said Simon,cheerfully admitting that he used simply to be head of PE.Once there were just two in the department,now there are seven.They have some wonderful students,and have had some incomparable success.

Rachel Bird,the first Carmel pupil to make the England netball squad,was first on stage so that she could attend yet another training session; Rebecca Toppin,multi-talented, had foregone a place in the county football team to take part in the final of a national cookery competition.She won and now works at the award- winning County in Aycliffe Village.

Kate Blaylock had just the previous weekend been a member of Co Durham 's victorious 4x100m relay team,a triumph in which she was joined by Faye Bowles of Longfield School in Darlington, Nicola Pearson of Shotton Hall in Peterlee and Lorna Welch of Biddick Sports College.

They also won the Goodwill Cup for the best intermediate team,the first time in 77 years that it has gone to Co Durham.

Kate also joins Tom Cox in the national pentathlon championship in September.

There were football honours for a young lady called Jessica Furphy.Could possibly she be a grandaughter of the great Ken Furphy,300-odd games for Darlington and mentioned in the column only the other day?

Certainly she could,said Jess.

It 's invidious,of course -the English department may have to explain that one,an 'all -to pick individual achievement from so great an array,but a few more examples, nonetheless.

The athletics team won 15 of 20 trophies at the town championships,overall winners for the 15th successive year -or 15th year running,as the programme more appropriately put it.

The cross-country teams, especially the girls,consistently led the fields;three girl footballers -including Hannah Wake,a "fantastic "captain - had had trials with Middlesbrough;the year ten rugby team won the county cup;the girl swimmers lost the town championship by just one point,despite not having a pool of their own -Chloe Coates and Nicole Burlinson qualifying for the English championships in September.

Charlotte McGarry excels in biathlon,Tom Carr in tetrathlon -riding,running, shooting,swimming -they found good skiing conditions elsewhere but could only manage three cricket matches throughout the sodden English summer,to the particular chagrin of Liam Coates,already in Darlington 's first team.

The presentations ended at 8 45pm,90 minutes and a bit of extra time.

Just when they thought it was all over,however,there 'd to be a little homily from the earthworm.

Afterwards there were Cornettos for the kids and something stronger but no less refreshing for the guest.Out at the deep end,young Cook missed a great,great night.

By Mike Amos