WHEN are we going to grow up? Instead of becoming sensible, mature adults, we’re regressing, turning into a nation of hopeless, helpless children. The nanny state is constantly having to tell us to eat our five a day, take more exercise, keep out of the sun, carry water with us, watch out for slippy surfaces.

The huge Health and Safety industry has grown up partly because we no longer seem capable of taking responsibility for ourselves. Instead, they take the risk away, so we’ll never learn – whether it’s high up in cathedral roofs, uneven pavements, or grapes on supermarket floors – to take care of ourselves. It’s never our fault.

Political correctness is little more than a way of enforcing good manners. A court case or tribunal and awards for hurt feelings are the equivalent of a quick shake, or a slap on the legs and “Say sorry!”

Once upon a time small children were dressed as adults. Now adults dress like children in glorified romper suits, joggers and big bouncy shoes, as if they’re off to the playground not the real world of work. Why else have middleaged men – usually sadly overweight – taken to wearing baggy shorts in winter? Unless to show off their calves full of tattoos…

We blame the banks for letting us build up debts and the food industry for making us fat. We’ve almost given up cooking and eat food that we haven’t had to prepare. Often we eat it with our fingers too. Just like babies. We like our holidays organised, so we don’t have to think about them, with entertainment laid on for adults and clubs for children, so we don’t have to think about them either.

Many societies used to consider manhood started at 12. For generations in this country it was 21. Now, even though the age of maturity is legally 18, many twenty-somethings are still really adolescents with no responsibilities at all.

When people go out and drink too much so they don’t know what they’re doing, we used to stick them in a cell until morning to sober up. Now teams of well-meaning volunteers go out with flat shoes for the girls who can no longer stagger in their stilettos and make sure they get home safely.

Our parents did DIY, knitted, made clothes, did exquisite embroidery, all creative and productive. But now, would you believe, we’re running out of pencils because so many adults are busy colouring in adult colouring books. They call it mindfulness. Mindlessness might be a better word. Even apparently grown-up things like insurance aren’t grown-up any more. Instead of making a decision on a wise value-for-money sort of way, the big companies tempt us with soft toys or plastic robots. They know that our financial wisdom extends no further than wanting a meerkat to cuddle.

More teddy bears are sold for adults than children. And more adults than teenagers read teen fiction. Most of this doesn’t matter. I, too, like bouncy shoes and teen fiction and love my old teddy bear. But…

At some point in the not too distant future, this generation of kidults will be the ones in charge. They’ll be running businesses, universities, councils, the country. Big responsibilities. How will they cope when they’ve never had to take responsibility even for themselves?

Maybe they’ll be too busy colouring in.

IN a bid to live above our station in life, younger son and I called in to The Ritz for cocktails on Tuesday. (They serve one called The Iron Lady in homage to Lady Thatcher. I’m guessing there wouldn’t be a big demand up here…).

We coincided with peak afternoon tea time. Mistake. All right for him, but the queue for the Ladies was horrendous, snaking all the way back up the narrow stairs. Just like being at a motorway services only not as roomy.

When you’ve spent £52 on the afternoon tea (That’s the basic. It’s £63 with special cake and £79 with champagne), you really don’t expect to have to stand for ten minutes with your legs crossed.

Not very Ritzy at all.

FORGET Saturday – Thursday is the big new day for weddings, easier to book and much cheaper.

For the bride and groom, that is.

Meanwhile, weddings guests are far more likely to have to take not just one but two days off work for the wedding/ night in hotel/ journey home/ hangover. And that’s before the costs of the stay, new outfits, wedding present, drinks and probably an extravagant stag/hen do as well.

It’s getting to the stage where if an engaged couple really love their family and friends, the kindest thing they can do is elope – and tell everyone all about it when the deed has been done.

MORE grans are turning to Facebook to find out what their families are up to, says new research. Just coincidence, of course, that youngsters are turning off Facebook and turning to Instagram and Snapchat instead.

Better than being stalked by Granny.

UNFAIR of an India writer to criticise the Duchess of Cambridge’s clothes for her recent visit to India. Novelist Shobhaa Rajadhyaksha said that the Duchess’s clothes were “wishy washy” and “boring”.

No. Her long floaty dress to play cricket with slum children looked cool and comfortable in the stifling heat. But they’ve definitely had a whiff of the 1970s and Laura Ashley about them.

What next - glittery loon pants and an Afro-style perm?

WHILE the arguments over the rights and wrongs of tax havens continue to rage, we learn that last year Jeremy Corbyn paid £18,000 – plus £100 fine for filing late. Boris Johnson, meanwhile, paid £1,000,000 in income tax in the last four years.

So which one has actually contributed more to schools, hospitals and the welfare bill for the rest of us?

Nothing is ever straightforward, especially taxes.