WELL I’m with John Lewis on this one. Who wants to listen to a screaming toddler? Yes, of course I’m sympathetic. I really am. We’ve all been there and I’m sorry for mother and toddler, but what about the rest of us?

When Lindsay Robinson was shopping in John Lewis in Manchester with her 16month old daughter, the toddler went into meltdown – the way they do – and, when the noise went on and on and other customers complained, apparently, Lindsay and her daughter were asked to leave. Lindsay’s upset and says she was made to feel like a bad mother. John Lewis have since apologised.

But why did she wait until she was asked to leave?

When my toddlers were having a tantrum I just wanted to get them out of the way as quickly as I could. Not stand there as the World’s Worst Mother with the World’s Worst Child, with everyone glaring at us as the screams bounce off the walls.

I’ve done that walk of shame carrying a screaming, kicking toddler – usually Smaller Son – taking him out to the car when he’s refused to behave.

Bad enough in shops and supermarkets. Much worse in pubs and restaurants where people are trying to relax. Worst of all, though, are weddings. A wedding is a special, serious occasion. And it can all be spoilt by a bored toddler losing the plot in church. Take them out. We want to hear the service not screams. It’s not fair on other people – or on the children either.

Parents, especially mothers, are programmed to believe that their children are the centre of the universe. Of course they are. But they’re not the centre of everyone else’s. If you want your children to be welcome, then you have to do your bit too. That means when they scream, take them out.

But not, perhaps, on a plane…

FOR years we’ve nursed along an ancient and cumbersome DVD player because it also played VHS tapes. All those old Father Teds, Auf Wiedersehen Pet and the glorious Alan Rickman being wonderfully sly in the Barchester Chronicles. Well it finally packed up, replaced by a small, neat DVD player. And I’ve dumped bags of old tapes at the tip.

Too late now, of course, but it seemed a wicked waste. Does anyone anywhere have a use for old tapes?

SO Prince William didn’t tell the media he was taking he family ski-ing. The first anyone knew about it was when they got back and issued the happy family snaps, taken under William’s control. Good for him.

He and his brother were the first people to grow up with the constant gaze of cameramen, paparazzi and ubiquitous smartphones. Very difficult to get any privacy, especially in public places. Childhood pics of Prince William often show him looking unhappy to the point of distress. He wants better for his own children. And who can blame him?

It’ll make the paparazzi even more determined in future, of course. But for now, at least, first round to Prince William.

THE best thing about having the second baby was that I had two whole nights in hospital without the toddler jumping on my head at 5.0am. Bliss.

I managed to get some sleep, have a proper bath and there was enough time before I got home for my mother and husband to have cleaned the house, done the ironing, stocked the fridge and bought lots of flowers. With a start like that, coping with two babies seemed easy. But that was in the Olden Days.

Now new mothers pop the baby out and are home again before they’ve even unpacked their toothbrush.

According to a report this week we have one of the shortest hospital stays in the world for childbirth. The average is a day and a half but many new mothers are back home in six hours – probably to find the breakfast dishes still waiting to be washed…

And there’s not enough time for them to receive all the help and support they need to get their new family off to the best start.

Yes, I know childbirth is not an illness and home is the best place to be, but you can have too much of a good thing. Especially when not many new mothers have a whole network of families around them to help. Or, in these days of smaller families, much practical knowledge of babies.

Those early days are always going to be tricky. Before they start on a challenge that’s going to last a lifetime, the least we can do is let new mothers get at least one night’s sleep.

AMERICAN TOURISTS are apparently spending £3,000 a day to stay in a Scottish castle and pretend to be servants in Downton Abbey. They cook and clean silver and learn how to look after the family’s clothes.

£3,000 a day? If they came to my house, I’d let them do all that – and more – for free.

What chance of any takers?