SORRY Shildon, but I can’t share your excitement and joy at becoming the showplace for Mallard, that megastar among steam locomotives, for an undetermined period from this summer.

I regret I’m also not thrilled by the feverishly- heralded mode of arrival of the world’s fastest steam engine at Locomotion, your outstation of the National Railway Museum (NRM). The proud holder of the world speed record will be dragged by another loco, albeit the most fitting that could be chosen – the magnificent Tornado, Britain’s first main line steam locomotive built for nearly 50 years.

Steve Davies, director of the NRM at York, Mallard’s usual home, says: “It’ll be quite a sight to see two of the most famous locomotives in the world heading up the East Coast Main Line together.”

But with Mallard under tow, the spectacle will be like seeing an Empress in chains. It will be too close for comfort to the inglorious end of Mallard’s record-breaking run – immobilised through a broken big end, which prevented the streamlined locomotive completing its journey to London.

Even under its own steam Mallard should not be heading for Shildon. Why? Mr Davies gives a clue. “Mallard has always been a favourite with our visitors.” Exactly. Mallard is one of the NRM exhibits people expect to see.

No doubt some arrive specially to see it. Its importance demands it is always on view.

Imagine the disappointment when visitors who ask about Mallard are directed to its substitutes – the South Eastern and Chatham Railway’s locomotive No 737 and a Pullman carriage named Topaz.

MARCH – the month of the madness of hares, as expressed in their exuberant mating antics, including that extraordinary boxing routine.

Initiated by the female to test the male’s vigour, this spectacle is becoming ever rarer.

Over the past 50 years Britain’s hare population has declined from about four million to just 800,000. Yet 300,000 are still shot each year. And if you consider that scandalous, what about the unbelievable fact that there is not even a close season for shooting this endangered, beautiful mammal?

The hare urgently demands protected status.

Some comfort might be taken from hints that the Tory promised restoration of hunting would exclude hare hunting. This illustrates the inexorable tide of public opinion against hunting. Otter hunting, for instance, is now completely beyond the pale. Hare hunting is probably on the cusp. But any government bringing it back would still look out of sync with the times. Fox hunting will meet the same fate, even if (temporarily) restored.

TALKING of protected species: When – or perhaps if – you vote at the General Election, remember that the victorious candidate will cease to be one of us.

The superior status of MPs is reflected in their protests about a proposal to limit (not abolish, please note) their right to first-class travel. Tory Anne Widdecombe says: “The atseat services means I don’t have to interrupt my work to go and queue in the train’s buffet bar.” Labour’s Tom Levitt says his 6ft-plus height means he needs “leg room for comfort”.

Liberal Democrat Sandra Gidley says she feels safer in first class – a remark that speaks volumes about declining safety for rank-and-file passengers.

Perhaps our MPs need reminding that the chamber to which they are elected is named the House of Commons.