THE GURKHAS

In the shadows of the Himalayas

Is a country named Nepal

Home of the famous Gurkhas

Still allied with the British Army

Still ready to give their all.

Now in our multi-cultured society

Where refugees and illegal immigrants

Come here from far and wide,

While these heroic warriors

Seek permission to reside.

Gordon McCallum, Bowburn

OOPS, I’VE MADE A MISTAKE

Oops, I’ve made a mistake

My expenses include chandelier

And prime Scottish steak

I’ve been busy lately,

So it must have slipped my mind

But I’ll re-issue it later, honest

Don’t worry, so very kind

I’ve accidentally included

The cost of a new bath plug

So take no notice of fees

For adult video club

I’m finding it hard to make ends meet

How fortunate to optimise, then,

This parliamentary system treat

With two homes, I can’t be income lax

Although avoiding CGT and income tax

This job of mine, it’s a personal vocation

So long as it pays for my garden of

exquisite mixed carnation

I have to say in conclusion,

I am so very sorry

In considering my position you’ll

Understand if I don’t hurry

The honourable thing right now

Is financial repayment

But I do need time to check

My Swiss-based bank statement

Alan Reed, Darlington

I PRESCRIBE A PURGATIVE

The body politic is ill

In urgent need of medicine.

It seems that MPs lack the will

To exercise self-discipline.

They claim to act within the rules

When they make dishonest claims.

Which proves they are short-sighted fools.

Some say the system is to blame.

But I for one do not agree.

I think each person has to use

The same standards of honesty.

The system’s open to abuse.

Which does not mean they have to cheat

Although it’s obvious some do.

The time has come for a complete

Review of rules, long overdue.

Who made the rules? The same MPs

Who benefit from laxity

Who seem to do just as they please

And have no fear of penalties.

Expose the loathsome parasites

Who now wax fat in secrecy

And curb their greedy appetites.

It is the only remedy.

The public is entitled to

Demand an end to secrecy.

Insist all claims, both old and new

Be subject to close scrutiny.

Ivor Hogg, Dipton, Durham